Dumb people in the news (part 1)

As I already said in previous posts the great thing about my blog is that you will never end up with no stories... People are so stupid they are making it to the news nowadays. I might come off as insensitive in some of these but honestly I don't care.

So from now on I 'll be making posts like these, any time I see something I find incredibly stupid in the news. Sometimes I might do 2-3 in a day, depends... So here is our first new for the day:

"A Sri Lankan man has died while trying to set a record for the longest time spent buried alive.

Police said Janaka Basnayake, 24, buried himself over the weekend with the help of family and friends in a trench sealed with wood and soil in the town of Kantale, about 220 kilometres north of Sri Lanka's capital, Colombo. A local newspaper reported that the trench was three metres deep.

Basnayake was buried about 9.30am on Saturday. Police said when he was brought to the surface at 4pm, he was unconscious and was taken to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead on arrival.

Dr D G Costa of the Kantale hospital said a post-mortem examination could not determine the cause of death and further medical investigations are being conducted.

Basnayake's mother, L D Leelawathi, said her son had enjoyed performing unusual acts since his childhood - a liking that grew after watching movies, the Lankadeepa newspaper reported.

It quoted her as saying that her son had been buried alive on two previous occasions - for two and a half hours and six hours respectively.

It was unclear whether there is an official world record for the longest time buried alive.

Police said Basnayake was a member of the Civil Defence Force, a police unit that fought in the country's 25-year civil war."

What can I possibly say without being insensitive? Natural Selection I guess... Although this is probably going to the Darwin Awards. As for the unknown cause of death I will take a wild guess and say... "BURIED ALIVE MAYBE????". It's like when you are 80 years old, no matter how you die it's natural causes. If a truck hits you, it's natural cause. If you were younger you 'd probably avoid it! (Dave Chappelle or Chris Rock can't remember).

So our next story again is a bit sensitive but here we go:

A three-year-old US girl is lucky to be alive after swallowing 37 high-powered magnet balls.

Payton Bushnell was taken to Randall Children's Hospital in Portland, Oregon, suffering stomach pains last week.

Doctors eventually took an x-ray of her stomach after her symptoms failed to get better.

"They saw a circle had formed in her stomach and they thought she swallowed a bracelet," Payton's mother Kelli Bushnell told KPTV.

Doctors said the magnets had snapped the toddler's intestines together and ripped three holes in her lower intestine and one in her stomach.

She underwent surgery and is expected to make a full recovery.

Randall Children's Hospital nurse Sandy Ripper said she was shocked to hear how many magnets the little girl had swallowed.

"In all the research I have done, I have never seen any child swallow more than 10 magnets," she said.

I have to say that Natural Selection is hindered by advanced science but anyway. Some questions... Where were these magnets? Why have these in the house when you have a "hungry" 3 year old? How lucky is the kid that they didn't do an MRI on her? They actually make research on how many magnets a kid will swallow? If you can answer any of these please leave your comments... 

From now on, people should take tests to have children. I insist on this. First test? An x-ray:

Stupid safety signs

I have a theory to why so many dumb people exist around me. It's those stupid safety laws and signs. What do I mean with this? Darwin explained what Natural Selection is. It's when evolution happens and a male and a female meet that have the best chances of survival. Meaning they are probably smarter than the rest or they are faster so they can avoid dangerous animals that hunt them down and so on. It's a great theory and it is now proved to be real. If you are religious and you start talking about intelligent design I will slap you in the face with some facts on another post.

So Darwin WAS right. But not anymore. With all these stupid laws and signs we have, natural selection isn't true anymore. Can someone explain to me why there are signs like:

Do you think I reached this age without me knowing that? I see the floor being wet so I can understand it will be slippery! If you actually walk and watch where you are going this sign isn't needed. Unless you check your facebook on your smartphone and you don't watch where you are going... Dumbass.

If you need a sign for that too then you must be an idiot. Do all of us a favor and disappear...

The next one I am sure everyone has seen at least once.

First off this looks like a tourist attraction! "Watch how great is the gap!". If you are smart enough to look down there I bet you can figure that there will be a gap between you and the train. How to avoid this difficult life hazard? Take one leg and put it inside the train... then the next one... and all these while you watch WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE GOING!

Ok you are in an escalator... My first thought without looking at the sign would be to actually hold the handrail... They took the time to put it there... it must be useful! Now I have a kid with me... Hmm what should I do? A) Let it figure out what to do, B) Hold his hand, C) Leave it there and come back in an hour to pick him up... Next is Keep Feet Away.. ok that doesn't make sense... so lets read the next line "From Side Panel"! Aaaah this was a trick! I have to read both lines to unlock the secret meaning! "Keep feet from side Panel!" wow! Thank God you let me know. I was about to stick both my feet on that... No idea how you can actually do that but still. Ok the next one is tricky... "Face Forward"! I wonder why they added thaaaaaargh!! Aaah that's why because in the end you will fall down if you face backwards... Very smart... I bet you needed an IQ of 150 to figure this out... "No baby strollers" ... Someone actually tried that? I see no reason why I shouldn't use my wheelchair then... And finally don't ride barefoot... I bet when you went out today you didn't get your shoes like you do all the time... Snap now you have to use the stairs and not the escalator...

They should also add to this: "Don't stand with one leg, the head 45 degrees on the left, the one arm up and the hip slightly to the right on the escalator". Don't laugh someone is bound to do it one day!

Why? I wanna run. I am late. How am I going to explain to the boss I don't have, that because there was this sign I couldn't run? Even running is hazardous nowadays... We came to that...

Who doesn't check to see how shallow a pool/lake/beach is? Do you see that kid that the water level is in his waist? Does that give you any clue on how shallow the water is? Do you need a sign for that?

Please try to figure out why? Maybe because when there is a fire electricity is cut off? or maybe because the elevator shaft might be also on fire? Or the mechanism that keeps the elevator from dropping might also be on fire? I will let you think about it while I use the stairs.

No stupidity doesn't qualify as a handicap. Park elsewhere jackass.

 So my advice is replace all these with this sign: