Craigslist best of

More or less everyone has browsed Craigslist. Back in the day they even had an ehm... more private category but they removed it. Now you can look for roommates, mates, sell and buy stuff and more. There is also a best of category where they post the best ads or your viewing pleasure. I will re-post some here. Of course I take no credit for them!

"I have a functioning time machine (i know it sounds unbelievable, but I assure you it works) that I need a 2nd person to operate with me.
I'm looking for someone who is adventurous and reliable. Preferable a male; or a female that can do heavy lifting.
I am leaving on September 30th, 2010, in the morning and plan to return October 2nd, 2010. I am going to June 1983 to handle some business.
If you are serious about time travel and are reliable, then please contact me. You do not have to pay anything, but you would have to provide someone to watch my cat for the time we are gone. The only qualifications needed are that you are reliable and that the circumferance of your head is no more than 64cm.

We will be leaving from Bozeman, MT. Let me know if you want to go with me."

Sounds fishy if you ask me... I kinda wonder who replied!

Oh. you think this is weird? Check this out:

"WANTED:

One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives.

We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem!

Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an anthropomorphic being created from inanimate matter from Jewish folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for "precious". This is important! We have no interest in living with Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.

• Location: Astoria, NY
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay"

 Let me guess, you want it to be female?

Sorry precious...


"We need a smart or more person to help un with our Company."


Taken as found... If I could take a wild guess, the "Company" is the Greek Government... I am just guessing here...

"Looking for a good looking girl, ages 18-25 to take a few pictures with me. In medical school. Went through a bad breakup and told my parents I had a new girlfriend so they'd leave me alone.

Pay is $80. Totally clothed. Take a few pictures. Done in 5 minutes. $80. Attach picture and I will respond. No travel required.

• Location: Cleveland/surrounding
• Compensation: $80" 

Some people can't get a girlfriend to save their lives...

"I am a graphic artist and in need of a job. I have decided to fill this need the same way many people think the can fill their graphic design needs; with a contest!

Here is how it will work;

Send me one weeks worth of salary and benefits. I will keep all of the checks that are sent to me and use all of the benefits.

Whoever sends me the best salary and benefits package will win the contest and get the prize of two days of graphic design work!!!

Good Luck! I am really looking forward to recieving your payment packages!"

Incredibly brilliant or just plain stupid? Who knows?

I bet you wanna hire him now, right?

 

Men's Logic

Honestly, being a man myself I have trouble understanding other men when it comes to women... Women on the other hand will probably relate to this post. Normally I had something else in mind to post today but I was out with some friends yesterday and the discussion shifted to the men and women topic. So I will list several things that women and I don't get about men.

• You are out on a club, lounge, etc. and you notice a girl you like. And you start looking at her and she notices, so she starts checking you out too. The seconds become minutes and the minutes become hours... And you never approach. Why the fuck are you looking at then? Just to let her know you have no balls to approach her?

• Even worse in the above scenario, you don't just look at her, but her friends too. Trying to up your chances? You think women never tell their friends that "this cute guy is checking me out!"? Think again. Stick to the girl you want AND the one you WILL approach.
• Some guy might say I don't mind approaching her. And it's true. There are guys that will approach the girl... And 15 other girls the same night... And they think the girls don't notice... 
• So our guy approaches the girl, leans over and he gives the punch line... "Hey babe, you look so hot, I wanna take you home". The girl looks at you and she gives you the cold shoulder. And you wonder why she rejected you while you call her, in your head a stuck up bitch. How many girls have gone home with you with that pick up line honestly? And why you keep saying it I 'll never understand... And neither will they...
• In a more general note, men want the girl to like them for who they really are... I have two objections with that. First almost no one shows who they really are, especially on the first dates. Second who are you? Why are you different than the last 100 guys she met? And on a more realistic scenario... Would you like her if she was 100 kg? Why would she like you? Men get all stuck up when they say "The man is the leader". Well Mr leader where is your power? or your money? Even with your logic you can't win. Just because you have a pair doesn't make you any different than the rest with the same pair. 
• "Women only care about money". I care about money too. Hell everyone I know cares about money too. Money in today's society tend to show the value of a man. Like in the ancient times, when the strongest hunter would get the best girls and so on. You are the one complaining about how men are underrated today. From personal experience just to get laid you don't need money. On the other hand for relationships it is important. How do you expect a woman to trust you with her life and her future baby's life when you still stay at your mom's basement and you work at some no tomorrow job?
  And ok sometimes this happens:

 

• Boasting about your sexual prowess to a woman is just dumb. Imagine how many before you have done it and how many times she was disappointed. So less talk more action. In theory everyone is Casanova. In actions they are Easter Bunnies.
• You approach a woman and she has green eyes. Or great legs or whatever. And you compliment the most obvious part of her body. Compliments are ok to break the ice but dude be more creative. The last 10 guys that approached her told her the same thing you did. What makes you more special?
• Opening the eX-Files... Seriously that's the best you can come up with, on a date? Bitch about your ex to the girl you want to become your girlfriend?
• Getting to know each other is great but at least make your life a bit interesting before you talk about it. Playing Fifa, PES and World of Warcraft and doing nothing else is not gonna make her say: "wow I want to be part of his life". Unless she plays at least one of those herself and looks like this:

• Women are (most of the time) masters on style. Dressing casually all the time while she wears an amazing red dress is something she will complain about, at least to her friends. Get her with you and let her choose some clothes for you. Go on GQ and fashion magazines and get some ideas.
• Asking a woman to a date will show who you are. It boggles my mind how many men ask a woman to a date and they then say "ok where do you wanna go? what do you wanna do?". Hey dumbass you asked her out, plan for it. Women want men that lead not submissive little boys.
• Remember when you had a life and friends before you met her? She still wants you to have your life. Don't leech on her 24/7. You become clingy and insecure.
• Sex isn't a two and a half job. Next time you do it try something for a change. Like actually pleasuring her before you crack a nut. I love it when I become radical! Sex needs imagination. Use it. If not someone else will take your place and then you will complain "she was a slut for cheating on me".
• Be romantic. Most of the girls I talk to they haven't ever received flowers or went to a romantic dinner. Be different. Casanova would cry if he saw where flirting and seduction came to.

 On the other hand if you don't take my advice... More women for people like me. Enjoy!

Dumb Cosmopolitan advice (Part 1)

Women must be familiar with Cosmopolitan. Men that get laid must also be familiar with it. No matter where you look in a woman's house, you are bound to fall on it. Sometimes literally, since you can find a whole bunch of them... Weird thing is that women don't read it in the bathroom, like most men read their magazines but anyway.

So what is Cosmopolitan? Personally if I can sum it up.  

"Put a model on the cover, the words: Sex, sexy, tips all over the place and mostly useless advice to a target audience (women) that no matter what advice you give them they will still do what feels right to them. You know why? Because they are driven by emotion, not by logic. And this is how sex and love works (at least that's what my sources say!). And the advice they do follow is probably from some lady that hasn't seen a cock in the last decade... and I don't mean the bird".

By the way, did you see what I did there? I put the text on italics. It makes it look more serious... As you will find in magazines like that. Sounds important right? It isn't. Now I am sure you will tell me that I generalize and that Cosmo is a great magazine blah blah blah. OK let's start with the covers:

 Let's start from the upper left... 78 ways to turn him on! Seriously? Do you even know how men work? There are no 78 ways to turn us on. Take this example for size. Some times I hear women tell me how men ignore them when there are sports in the TV. Have you ever sit next to the TV with your boobs out? Or if it's the Superbowl and you have to be drastic... Go next to the TV and wear some Agent Provocateur underwear and start touching yourself. Pff... 78 ways... Stop buying the magazine... ask me instead. Also 78? This is where your think tank stopped? 

Lets move on...

"What men want at 9 p.m." A sandwich? A blowjob? Some time alone? World of Warcraft? Go home since I work overtime? Now some lady will come with some fake statistics and she will solve the mystery of what men want... at 9 p.m.. And if this article is successful expect to see the sequel. What men want at 9:30 p.m. ! When men say "women like or do this" we are sexist. But when some lady does it, it's OK!

"4 Fab New Vibrators"

Need I say more?

"The Sex Position They Lust For" This will probably some 2 page article when the answer is so easy... It's Doggy style. Can we move on?

"What he thinks when you're butt naked". I can easily prove that this is a bullshit article. Why? Because when you are naked we stop thinking. All the blood from our brain is in our dicks... Brain is on safe mode. OK? OK. Also how did they found out about what men think? Did some lady jumped out of nowhere when his girlfriend started undressing and started interviewing him?

"Read his dirty mind" If you read this you will probably leave us... So read a book... (And not the Twilight... I 'll get to you soon, don't think you got away). 

"9 times you won't burn in hell for being bitchy" If a men's magazine wrote an article that read "5 times you can be an asshole to her" the author would probably be labeled a misogynist and sexist. It's never OK to be an asshole or a bitch. Deal with it. That's why we have this thing called logic, so we can sit down and actually discuss our problems. It's called communication. Funny a magazine that targets female audience doesn't mention this anywhere.

"Tight abs" I don't know about other men but I prefer my girlfriend to be normal. I don't want a bodybuilder next to me. And even fitness freaks that can't indulge in chocolate. Don't get me wrong I don't want her to be 100 kg but normal. Some fat always exists. (We prefer it on your boobs if you wonder).

"She tricked a murderer into sparing her life" First off this is exploitation of a very serious issue that happened in some one's life. Last time I checked Cosmo isn't a newspaper so leave it at that. And finally a murderer isn't gonna be tricked if he wants to kill you. But since I haven't read the article I will leave it at this.

Not such a bad idea unless you want these to happen:

-She is a sore loser so you won't get it if she loses.

-She 'll beat you on the game... Beat by a girl? That doesn't help men's dick get hard. If you don't believe me try to have sex with them when their favorite team loses. (Unless he wants to have sex so he can rough it up on you...)

-I prefer to keep my worlds apart. Guy stuff I do with my guy friends. Romantic stuff with her. Leave it at it.

-Seriously who reads diaries? Or even better who writes em?

(To be continued)