Facebook Page Posts

Honestly the easiest way for this blog to make you laugh is Facebook posts and most of the time the comments that people make are from hilarious to "are you fucking kidding me?".

So if you wanna lose faith in humanity I will update this blog from now on with Facebook posts and comments. If you are a page that wants to take down the post let me know (although I doubt there is a law about it, forbidding me from posting a public post).

So lets start with this marvel of human ignorance:

I don't know if you are a guy or a girl reading this but if you have any experience in the dating department there are no uncomplicated people. If you think you found one you probably have no idea judging personalities or have an IQ of an amoeba. As I said in the comment (yeah thats me) there is no single guy that ever bragged about dating an uncomplicated women, because no guy ever dated one (unless she was a trans-gendered woman, with a guy brain, but that opens another can or worms). Women is universe's Rubik's cube. Looks fun, but try to solve one that has 10x10 sides and most of the time doesn't want you to solve it because it will call you a patriarchy drone that wants to enslave her or something along these lines... 

Although I am against 99% of Elite Daily's posts, they are hilarious and the authors are probably trolls that just want you to start insulting them for being ignorant so they can make money from the clickbait they post. 

So next time you are thinking wow she is such a mature and uncomplicated either stop the LSD and weed or check if she is so nice to you because she is cheating on you. Men have 2 modes most of the time so we are fairly uncomplicated compared to women. Hungry or Horny. So if you see us without a boner make us a sandwich and we ll love you for ever. And even then we don't understand each other mainly for reasons I will post in the future...

Gender equality is dumb

Honestly this is a very delicate and dangerous topic. Women will go crazy just by the title. "We have rights and we want them to be the same as men". I respect it and it sounds important... It isn't. So to put a disclaimer: 

Especially in today's era, the ones that would get hurt the most by gender equality would be women. They concentrate on the very little they will win and not on the many stuff they will lose. Let's see some examples of "watch what you wish for, it might come true":

 I guess you all saw this coming. The dreaded:

First off, how this is a big deal? It's a friggin toilet seat. Why it should be down or up? Women go batshit crazy about it. Gender equality would change that (actually it should change even without it but anyway).

Then let's go to the basic rule of a sinking boat: Women and children first. If we had gender equality it would be "first come first served". But then again how often a boat or ship sinks?

More often than you think... And to get out of topic a bit. Why children first? Would you want someone like young Hitler to be saved just because he was a child? Ask a Jewish person about his/her theory of this.

This is a statistic I found and I don't know if this true but here goes: "Women only make 72 cents for every dollar a man makes for the same kind of work". I do agree this is not fair BUT... If this is true why don't companies only hire women then to save money? I don't know the answer to be honest but when I become a CEO of a company I will let you know.

This is mostly for Greece since I know the law here, so I don't know if it applies to other countries. Gender equality dictates that all women should go to the army and go through all the training men do. I remember in my physical ed class, most girls avoided it with the "I am on my period" excuse. I wouldn't mind but if you have period for 1 month straight there is something wrong with you. Say bye bye to your manicure and your bright/soft hair for some time.

Divorces everywhere give women the child in most cases AND the man has to pay for alimony. Are you OK with this being 50%-50%? The woman paying alimony and the man taking child custody?

Again this isn't checked if it's legit but if you play tennis you know. Women take the same prize money with 3 sets while men play five sets. Want this to change?

The list can go on but this is the main reason why I don't think gender equality is something women want. The whole concept of a man being a "Gentleman" is because he is the person that can protect a woman (mainly because of her physiology), treat her right, make the first move and so on. Are women prepared to buy men drinks in a bar? Or approach them first and ask them to take them home? Or be put to the friend zone over and over again? 

Can you imagine entering a club and men not even look at you? I know women that are so empty inside that don't do relationships because they want the validation every time they go to a club or a bar. (and because they can't find their imaginary prince (vampire?) in his white Lamborghini and take her to Hawaii). Starts sounding like a bad idea right? An empowered women should do what all men do in the courtship game AND not be labeled a slut... Good luck with that.

Finally all women complain how we objectify them especially in porn... Have you ever seen the salaries women make in porn and how much their male counterparts earn? No one forced them to do anything they didn't want. Also how often you see a homeless woman? Thought so.

Bottom line? Both sexes have something to offer to each other. They have their roles. Be their biological roles or the roles society has established. If we lived in an ideal world maybe it would be the ideal solution to have gender equality but we don't, so adapt to it and stop whining. Both men and women.

As for men... The next post will be yours to whine about.

Things to look forward to in 2012

New year's eve at last. The highlight of the previous year for the whole world must have been how the Euro fucked up so hard that we actually had corporations lending countries so they can lend banks so they can lend other corporations to fund the countries that lend the banks of the corporations that.... OK that makes no sense I know. But guess what! The whole crisis makes no sense so fuck that.

So there are some things I look forward this year. 2012!

• At last the world will end! Yes there! I SAID IT! It's been a fun ride folks but after 3000 years I feel I saw it all. Genocides, natural disasters, the dark ages, wars, betrayals, the same religion broken down to 100 others, women and men not getting along and so on. I mean I see the same movie for like 3000+ years. This is my stop. Stop the earth, I wanna get off (metaphorically and literally). And then some smart people find a Mayan calendar and what is their conclusion? If the calendar ends it means the world will end. Hey, smartass if this January we ended up blowing ourselves up and some alien civilization came in June and found a calendar for 2012 do you think they would assume that since the calendar ends on December that the world will end at that time? Mayans didn't update their calendar, get over it. Can we move on now?

• Update your friggin laws. Some of them were written when we were running around the world with horses and chariots. Isn't it about time to update em? 
• Microsoft and Linux, Android and Apple, Ferrari and Lamborghini. Come on people ,stop fighting with each other and make a product that doesn't suck. Humanity must move on. I don't have to buy all the junk you have to offer me when you already have invented something better for the sake of how Marketing works. Want an example? I used to own a hard drive that cost 100 euros back in the day. Capacity? 100 MB. Now with the same money I can buy 1 TB. Don't tell me you didn't have the hint of technology back then. You are the reason we don't explore the galaxy by now. 
• I love animals more than anything. More than humans in fact. BUT in case you didn't know most of your pets are manufactured. What I mean? Do you think in ancient Egypt they had those tiny dogs we have today? I doubt it. So how we have them today when they didn't evolve from something? Food for thought. Pets are an industry today. Don't feed it. Having one pet I can understand. If you are the lady with the 100 cats or 20 dogs you have issues. Get over them and leave the poor animals for someone that can take care of them.
• CERN, Space program, etc. There are people in many countries that have no food to eat because your global economy fucked em up. Stop spending money in stupid shit that you can do when you have feed all the people on the earth. I am sure space and the boson particle can wait a decade. 

• Sorry for this it might sound harsh but if you have no food to eat, and you can't give your kids the basic things for their survival why you bring them in this world? 
• Ethnic pride. That's a great one! Just because you were born in a country you are proud about it. "I am a Greek, I am proud!", "I am a German, I am proud of it.". How the hell can you be proud about something you didn't achieve by yourself? It's like saying I am proud that I breath oxygen! Good for you. How come you are only proud about the good things your country did and not for all of its history. Oh come on, don't tell me you can't think of anything. Greeks for example had Efialtis that in the fight of the 300 in the Thermopules (and not the Hot Gates...) betrayed the other Greeks. So feeling proud about him too?
• People and their resolutions. Why make a list of things you will do this year, when you will probably only do them for the next month if you are lucky and then forget about it? You people probably use the same list every year. Stop writing shit and do them.

• Men and women should start getting along at some point. I know you are insecure and you have the need to flaunt your peacock feathers (your sports car and your boobs respectively), but for the rest of us you just seem pathetic. Stop flirting for 5 years and get to the point where you have sex. Do all of us a favor. Unless you are dumb. Then have sex but use a condom... permanently. We don't need more stupid people, thank you.

So these are some of the things I look forward to. That and a cure for stupidity... But that's just far fetched...

Happy New Year and thank you for being with me these past 3 months!

Men's Logic

Honestly, being a man myself I have trouble understanding other men when it comes to women... Women on the other hand will probably relate to this post. Normally I had something else in mind to post today but I was out with some friends yesterday and the discussion shifted to the men and women topic. So I will list several things that women and I don't get about men.

• You are out on a club, lounge, etc. and you notice a girl you like. And you start looking at her and she notices, so she starts checking you out too. The seconds become minutes and the minutes become hours... And you never approach. Why the fuck are you looking at then? Just to let her know you have no balls to approach her?

• Even worse in the above scenario, you don't just look at her, but her friends too. Trying to up your chances? You think women never tell their friends that "this cute guy is checking me out!"? Think again. Stick to the girl you want AND the one you WILL approach.
• Some guy might say I don't mind approaching her. And it's true. There are guys that will approach the girl... And 15 other girls the same night... And they think the girls don't notice... 
• So our guy approaches the girl, leans over and he gives the punch line... "Hey babe, you look so hot, I wanna take you home". The girl looks at you and she gives you the cold shoulder. And you wonder why she rejected you while you call her, in your head a stuck up bitch. How many girls have gone home with you with that pick up line honestly? And why you keep saying it I 'll never understand... And neither will they...
• In a more general note, men want the girl to like them for who they really are... I have two objections with that. First almost no one shows who they really are, especially on the first dates. Second who are you? Why are you different than the last 100 guys she met? And on a more realistic scenario... Would you like her if she was 100 kg? Why would she like you? Men get all stuck up when they say "The man is the leader". Well Mr leader where is your power? or your money? Even with your logic you can't win. Just because you have a pair doesn't make you any different than the rest with the same pair. 
• "Women only care about money". I care about money too. Hell everyone I know cares about money too. Money in today's society tend to show the value of a man. Like in the ancient times, when the strongest hunter would get the best girls and so on. You are the one complaining about how men are underrated today. From personal experience just to get laid you don't need money. On the other hand for relationships it is important. How do you expect a woman to trust you with her life and her future baby's life when you still stay at your mom's basement and you work at some no tomorrow job?
  And ok sometimes this happens:

 

• Boasting about your sexual prowess to a woman is just dumb. Imagine how many before you have done it and how many times she was disappointed. So less talk more action. In theory everyone is Casanova. In actions they are Easter Bunnies.
• You approach a woman and she has green eyes. Or great legs or whatever. And you compliment the most obvious part of her body. Compliments are ok to break the ice but dude be more creative. The last 10 guys that approached her told her the same thing you did. What makes you more special?
• Opening the eX-Files... Seriously that's the best you can come up with, on a date? Bitch about your ex to the girl you want to become your girlfriend?
• Getting to know each other is great but at least make your life a bit interesting before you talk about it. Playing Fifa, PES and World of Warcraft and doing nothing else is not gonna make her say: "wow I want to be part of his life". Unless she plays at least one of those herself and looks like this:

• Women are (most of the time) masters on style. Dressing casually all the time while she wears an amazing red dress is something she will complain about, at least to her friends. Get her with you and let her choose some clothes for you. Go on GQ and fashion magazines and get some ideas.
• Asking a woman to a date will show who you are. It boggles my mind how many men ask a woman to a date and they then say "ok where do you wanna go? what do you wanna do?". Hey dumbass you asked her out, plan for it. Women want men that lead not submissive little boys.
• Remember when you had a life and friends before you met her? She still wants you to have your life. Don't leech on her 24/7. You become clingy and insecure.
• Sex isn't a two and a half job. Next time you do it try something for a change. Like actually pleasuring her before you crack a nut. I love it when I become radical! Sex needs imagination. Use it. If not someone else will take your place and then you will complain "she was a slut for cheating on me".
• Be romantic. Most of the girls I talk to they haven't ever received flowers or went to a romantic dinner. Be different. Casanova would cry if he saw where flirting and seduction came to.

 On the other hand if you don't take my advice... More women for people like me. Enjoy!

Dumb Cosmopolitan advice (Part 1)

Women must be familiar with Cosmopolitan. Men that get laid must also be familiar with it. No matter where you look in a woman's house, you are bound to fall on it. Sometimes literally, since you can find a whole bunch of them... Weird thing is that women don't read it in the bathroom, like most men read their magazines but anyway.

So what is Cosmopolitan? Personally if I can sum it up.  

"Put a model on the cover, the words: Sex, sexy, tips all over the place and mostly useless advice to a target audience (women) that no matter what advice you give them they will still do what feels right to them. You know why? Because they are driven by emotion, not by logic. And this is how sex and love works (at least that's what my sources say!). And the advice they do follow is probably from some lady that hasn't seen a cock in the last decade... and I don't mean the bird".

By the way, did you see what I did there? I put the text on italics. It makes it look more serious... As you will find in magazines like that. Sounds important right? It isn't. Now I am sure you will tell me that I generalize and that Cosmo is a great magazine blah blah blah. OK let's start with the covers:

 Let's start from the upper left... 78 ways to turn him on! Seriously? Do you even know how men work? There are no 78 ways to turn us on. Take this example for size. Some times I hear women tell me how men ignore them when there are sports in the TV. Have you ever sit next to the TV with your boobs out? Or if it's the Superbowl and you have to be drastic... Go next to the TV and wear some Agent Provocateur underwear and start touching yourself. Pff... 78 ways... Stop buying the magazine... ask me instead. Also 78? This is where your think tank stopped? 

Lets move on...

"What men want at 9 p.m." A sandwich? A blowjob? Some time alone? World of Warcraft? Go home since I work overtime? Now some lady will come with some fake statistics and she will solve the mystery of what men want... at 9 p.m.. And if this article is successful expect to see the sequel. What men want at 9:30 p.m. ! When men say "women like or do this" we are sexist. But when some lady does it, it's OK!

"4 Fab New Vibrators"

Need I say more?

"The Sex Position They Lust For" This will probably some 2 page article when the answer is so easy... It's Doggy style. Can we move on?

"What he thinks when you're butt naked". I can easily prove that this is a bullshit article. Why? Because when you are naked we stop thinking. All the blood from our brain is in our dicks... Brain is on safe mode. OK? OK. Also how did they found out about what men think? Did some lady jumped out of nowhere when his girlfriend started undressing and started interviewing him?

"Read his dirty mind" If you read this you will probably leave us... So read a book... (And not the Twilight... I 'll get to you soon, don't think you got away). 

"9 times you won't burn in hell for being bitchy" If a men's magazine wrote an article that read "5 times you can be an asshole to her" the author would probably be labeled a misogynist and sexist. It's never OK to be an asshole or a bitch. Deal with it. That's why we have this thing called logic, so we can sit down and actually discuss our problems. It's called communication. Funny a magazine that targets female audience doesn't mention this anywhere.

"Tight abs" I don't know about other men but I prefer my girlfriend to be normal. I don't want a bodybuilder next to me. And even fitness freaks that can't indulge in chocolate. Don't get me wrong I don't want her to be 100 kg but normal. Some fat always exists. (We prefer it on your boobs if you wonder).

"She tricked a murderer into sparing her life" First off this is exploitation of a very serious issue that happened in some one's life. Last time I checked Cosmo isn't a newspaper so leave it at that. And finally a murderer isn't gonna be tricked if he wants to kill you. But since I haven't read the article I will leave it at this.

Not such a bad idea unless you want these to happen:

-She is a sore loser so you won't get it if she loses.

-She 'll beat you on the game... Beat by a girl? That doesn't help men's dick get hard. If you don't believe me try to have sex with them when their favorite team loses. (Unless he wants to have sex so he can rough it up on you...)

-I prefer to keep my worlds apart. Guy stuff I do with my guy friends. Romantic stuff with her. Leave it at it.

-Seriously who reads diaries? Or even better who writes em?

(To be continued)

Woman's logic... (part 1)

Since my last post was a bit insensitive to men, I think it's time to fix this. I will now be insensitive to women. I love women. Well OK, most of them, but it's hard as hell to understand them sometimes. Add to that, the "difficult" weeks of the month and you have the DaVinci code set to God mode difficulty.

What I mean? Most of you interact with women daily. Some of you don't. When was the last time you had a woman call you out of the blue maybe at 2 in the morning and start saying something with such a dramatic tone of voice and so much passion and emotion that you think it must be the end of the world? And since you have a job you were probably sleeping by that time. She called you at 2 in the morning... So it must be important... It isn't. And this is because this happened to me last night. But let me explain...

Women always say that their intuition and emotional compass is extra-ordinary compared to men. Yet when they get into a relationship (most of the time with the wrong person), they forget that intuition. You have probably all heard this:

"I can't stand him anymore... He is abusive/jerk/arrogant/etc, and he cheated on me/flirts with other girls/etc."

Now any guy will make the mistake of giving advice. Because that's what we do when we talk to each other. We discuss a problem so we can solve it. Women don't do that. They discuss a problem to get sympathy and get it out there. They don't let something like logic ruin their day...

So when I was younger I'd say: "Well break up". And the answer back then would make me go "WTF?" but now I don't get any answer because when a woman tells me something I go like: "I see, hope you 'll be OK..." . (To the women that know me, I don't do that with you... I really care... Really!...")

And what is the answer all men get? Either "I 'll break up with the pig" and the next day you will see them together smiling... Or "But he is a nice guy..." translation for the women illiterate "He is good at sex" or "Who wants to be single, it took me 2 years to find his dumb ass".

Thing is I don't mind women coming to me with their problems... I have many people to direct them to. Jesus is one of them but even he has some tolerance levels. My problem is the timing and that women that know me should know that I don't care about their sex life... unless it includes me of course. I care if they are healthy and... well at least OK psychologically, but telling me why their loser boyfriend is a jerk and next day they are OK... Not my style. I have more important things to do... Feed my lizard, give a haircut to my turtle, catch up with the latest news in Madagascar and so on...

So here are some things I heard and read on the Internet that have women's logic all over them.

"Capre Diem" on her Facebook status... Playing Farmville 10 hours every day...

What you play WoW (World of Warcraft)? Loseeeeer!!! Then go and play Farmville for the next 10 hours...

Girl beats you up at something, then says "Haha you got beaten by a girl!!" 

Equality between men and women. "He pays for everything though".

Posts on Facebook: "I am so mad right now!!!". Someone asks "why?". Her response... I don't wanna talk about it...

Men bond over women... Women also bond over other women... Like this:

Dave Chappelle the comedian said this: "Me and my buddies see this girl outside a bar and she looks fine... Not in the traditional way... Half her ass is hanging out of her skirt, her boobs are mashed together popping out of the turtleneck and one of my buddies screams: OMG look at those titties! The girl of course comes there and says that just because she is dressed that way, it doesn't make her a whore. And Dave says... that she is right... just because they dress a certain way it doesn't mean they are a certain way but women you have to understand, that it is fucking confusing.

Imagine me, Dave Chappelle walking down the street in a cop uniform. Someone might come up to me and say "Thank God officer, come with me, please help us." And I 'd say "Ooooh just because I am dressed this way, does not make me a police officer"... So girls this is what happens when you wear a whore's uniform... We get confused."

So when you go out dressed in a way that you know men will notice you... Ignoring them just to feel well is just wrong... 

I actually thought I 'd finish this in one post but you are in luck... I won't. 

"But you only made one post for men... You are a sexist pig!"

Sue me...

Types of guys that don't get laid

Dumb people are all around us. We have already established that. But there are categories of dumb people. First off there are men and women. Stating the obvious is always fun! Now the men... When it comes to relationships and flirting and whatever they have gotten so brainwashed from TV that they think this is possible:

Sorry to break it to you bro but... it isn't. So men thought that they found the solution! Infiltrate enemy territory, get them to trust you and strike!... at some point... when she will be ehm... I don't know we 'll see. Now personally I don't give a damn. More women for the rest of us. But dudes you are feeding them with false info on what men really are. 

So me and my friends have categorized these... men into the following species:

THE CABBY:

Come on don't tell me you haven't seen those? Look at every table, bar stool when you are at a club or wherever and you will spot em at once: For every four women there will be at least one man. Why? Because he is their... wait for it... DRIVER! Now variations do apply. For example the sports car owner with just one seat, or if two of the girls live in different parts of town there will be two drivers and so on. Now if you see 3 men for 4 girls that's just wrong...

So who are these men. These men go out with women and drive them around and they feel good about themselves when they tell this to other people "Dude I was out with 4 chicks yesterday, I had a great time! One of them also kept hugging me and dancing with me". Now to a man that has an idea about women that comment would have made him drop on the floor, and start laughing. But what he didn't tell you is that when he got home he pet'd the big Cahuna and then slept with a tear in his eyes... 

So how dumb can you be? A girl will probably call you and tell you to go out with them when you have a car. We all know this. I had friends that no women would speak to them... up to the point they got a car. And then one of those women got bored of having to share him so he got into a relationship with him. But she tends to be the least attractive of the group or... the girl that lives further away from the rest. At least when you are out have fun. Don't sit in the corner while they are having fun. Bring your buddies or flirt with other women. Or even with the girls that are with you.

Solution? Next time they call you to "have fun". Do something else. You didn't stand a chance anyway. You should have made a move the second time you got out with them.

THE GOODNIGHTER:

I kinda feel bad for these men. They are dumb but they are also dreamers... They are the men that will go out with a girl and they hope or think that the girl will magically fall for them if they (men) be proper gentlemen or good guys. But as we all know good guys finish last. And so what happens is that these men become good friend with the girl and they go out and have a good time and when they reach the end of the "date" the girl leans and gives him the kiss of death (on the cheek) and says the dreaded word... "Goodnight". If he is lucky he ll get two kisses! 

How to spot em? Look everywhere you go for men and women hanging out but they don't kiss or express any feelings. The girl might have nothing better to do that night and she thought it's better to go out with him (especially since he always pays) and check some guys out rather than stay home today.

Solution? Stop being a good guy and learn a thing or two about women from your friends that actually get laid. Stop being the easy solution to every girl's whim.

THE CARE BEAR:

This man is the best thing that can happen to a woman. Boyfriends might leave her, abuse her and so on, but not this guy. This is the best friend, the buddy, the guy that knows all her secrets. Difference is that he never gets laid. He is the guy that has heard so many times "I see you as a friend" that he has actually believed that this is a good thing. "Someday I ll get her", this is his motto. He is the guy that the girl will tell him about her new crush, how great the sex was, how he abused her, how crushed she is when the other guys cheated on her and then dumbed her for the less attractive girl... 

His response to all that is trying to make her see how different he is, and how good he 'd treat her but to no avail. Maybe he should grab a pair and see that the girl is just attracted to assholes. And how you can attract her? That's a secret... He still can't figure it or he just says "I don't want to be an asshole to get her, I want her to love me for who I am". Don't lose hope though. When no other man will be attracted to her and when she ll be vulnerable he ll probably do what all women do. Go for the safe guy that she knows can't hurt her.

Hey if you don't mind being the last choice of a girl who am I to burst your bubble?

THE PROVIDER/I MISS YOU GUY:

This guy is more or less like the last one but he has a great addition for the girl he is after. Money, gifts and probably a car. So this guy is in relationship mode thinking he ll buy the girl's attention with all the gifts he gives her and with his expensive dinners, taking her for vacations (where she probably hooks up with a random guy leaving him alone for the rest of the days).

My advice? Would you give all these to a random stranger or a guy? Why would you do this with a girl? In this life like everything else thing/favors//etc are earned. Stop wasting your money and energy. As they say what's the difference between a prostitute and your "girlfriend"? Your girlfriend is more expensive. So imagine if she isn't your girlfriend...

This guy also has another side to him. Since he is already in relationship mode he 'll call the girl or send sms/texts etc in the middle of the night and tell her "I miss you". And he waits for her to respond but she probably is having sex at that time so she never does... 

THE FACEBOOK GUY:

If you use facebook you surely know this guy. He knows everything about all the girls he has on his friend list. When they talk about something he thinks to himself "I already know that, I read it on your facebook". He has many pictures of the girls in folders and he posts in all of the girls the same thing: "WOW YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE AN ANGEL!", and so on. He 'll even steal the girl's password to "protect" her from her boyfriend, other guys that like her, her bitchy friends etc. He will also message all the girls he knows with the same thing till someone answers him. He is the guy that when he meets you in real life won't ask your number but your facebook. Stay away.

Our advice, get a life and a therapist. You will never get laid.