Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Craigslist best of

More or less everyone has browsed Craigslist. Back in the day they even had an ehm... more private category but they removed it. Now you can look for roommates, mates, sell and buy stuff and more. There is also a best of category where they post the best ads or your viewing pleasure. I will re-post some here. Of course I take no credit for them!

"I have a functioning time machine (i know it sounds unbelievable, but I assure you it works) that I need a 2nd person to operate with me.
I'm looking for someone who is adventurous and reliable. Preferable a male; or a female that can do heavy lifting.
I am leaving on September 30th, 2010, in the morning and plan to return October 2nd, 2010. I am going to June 1983 to handle some business.
If you are serious about time travel and are reliable, then please contact me. You do not have to pay anything, but you would have to provide someone to watch my cat for the time we are gone. The only qualifications needed are that you are reliable and that the circumferance of your head is no more than 64cm.

We will be leaving from Bozeman, MT. Let me know if you want to go with me."

Sounds fishy if you ask me... I kinda wonder who replied!
Oh. you think this is weird? Check this out:
One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives.

We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem!

Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an anthropomorphic being created from inanimate matter from Jewish folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for "precious". This is important! We have no interest in living with Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.

  • Location: Astoria, NY
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: no pay"
 Let me guess, you want it to be female?
Sorry precious...

"We need a smart or more person to help un with our Company."

Taken as found... If I could take a wild guess, the "Company" is the Greek Government... I am just guessing here...

"Looking for a good looking girl, ages 18-25 to take a few pictures with me. In medical school. Went through a bad breakup and told my parents I had a new girlfriend so they'd leave me alone.

Pay is $80. Totally clothed. Take a few pictures. Done in 5 minutes. $80. Attach picture and I will respond. No travel required.
  • Location: Cleveland/surrounding
  • Compensation: $80" 
Some people can't get a girlfriend to save their lives...

"I am a graphic artist and in need of a job. I have decided to fill this need the same way many people think the can fill their graphic design needs; with a contest!

Here is how it will work;

Send me one weeks worth of salary and benefits. I will keep all of the checks that are sent to me and use all of the benefits.

Whoever sends me the best salary and benefits package will win the contest and get the prize of two days of graphic design work!!!

Good Luck! I am really looking forward to recieving your payment packages!"

Incredibly brilliant or just plain stupid? Who knows?

I bet you wanna hire him now, right?


Saturday, January 28, 2012

Newspaper Headlines

Anytime I am about to make a new post Murphy's Laws come into play and I miss the deadline... Now I am sick in bed but that won't stop me from showing you something really funny. Being in PR I try hard to make my stories appear on newspapers or magazines. Can someone explain how these got published:
 Can I have his number please? I want to recommend him to my enemies... 

I thought his main problem was that others were playing with his balls...

More or less what Greece does... Getting a loan to pay another loan to pay another loan to pay another loan to pay another loan...

 Let me know when you find something...

My advice: When you camouflage something make sure that your allies can find it after you are done...

...You don't say...

Caskets at a mausoleum?? This is madness!

Next time you are a pain to someone else, remember that you risk your life...

 Dr. Obvious reporting for duty...

No rainbows and little ponies? 


Wow he and his ehm... dog, look a lot alike! I think?

Now that's just rude...

Taken from: http://www.oddee.com/item_96156.aspx

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Signs for dumb people (part 2)

To continue with the genius signs...

Don't laugh I am sure many have thought of doing this...

I am pretty sure they got lost in translation otherwise this is a bit creepy...
 Think of the animals! Want to make them sick???
 This is probably genius... They can get the money from your wallet or get your watch etc while you lie there dead... So be sure to keep something valuable with you before you die.

 In case you missed it "museum of sex". Imagine how many guards are in there...

Humping is now a health hazard... What's next? (no seriously, I want an answer!)

 Can we change the second part to "Say something stupid and find out..."? Aaah... dreams...

 People actually went in there??


 Well it makes sense!
 OK this is just wrong...

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Signs for dumb people (part 1)

It's Saturday so I will make a post mostly with pictures to make it easier to go through! I found some signs that are clearly or dumber people than my previous post concerning safety signs! So here goes:

I can paraphrase to: Old Dumbass, Young Dumbass, Several Stupid Dumbasses. Makes more sense now right?

No comments...

 Really? Now I have to teach my dog to read too... Man come on...

And if someone actually gets burned I also have a sign for them: "Warning This person is extremely stupid".

Thanks bro, I was wondering if I should stab every stupid person I see...

 I assume it originally said:"My Boss told me to change, so I did". I like the addition though!

Lol... I hope this is a joke! If you can't see the small letters it reads: "If we're not careful, who will fund our social security?"

I can only imagine what has happened before so they had to put that sign on...

So if you want your child to follow a career in the Circus you just found the way to do it... This blog works or you my readers... I have a solution to all your problems... And a problem for your every solution but that's another topic..

Honestly I think they have a sign for everything imaginable...

And in case you wonder where your ex-wife is working...

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Chain stupid e-mails

Dear Lord, from the moment internet became popular so these stupid chain e-mails. After a bit they became comments and then videos and then they are everywhere like the plague! And people actually believe them! And then they send them again and again! I will show you the most popular chain letters I have researched.


I love this one. The chain e-mail about the child that has no legs, hands, eyes or whatever.Lives in the far land of Bankistanistorloughstanand every time YOU send this magical chain e-mail to as many people as you can he/she gets a dollar! 
In case you have no idea about how the interwebz works... you can't check how many times this e-mail has bounced since it follows a pyramid pattern. Meaning one person sends it to 40 people and these 40 send it to another 40 and so on. This means that the imaginary sick child won't get any dollars this week. If you feel you want to help you need to reach in your pocket, get off your ass and donate some money to people that need em. Sometimes in the end of the e-mail it says that this helps your karma... Right...


This one is for those that think that their PC is a magic lamp and if you do certain stuff their wish will come true. The e-mail says to make a wish and if you send it to 40 people in the next 23 hours 41 minutes and 23 seconds your wish will come true. And if you don't, an evil pokemon will appear and eat your cat...
Do I even have to explain why anyone that believes this is stupid? If you believe in stuff like that then if you also rub a guy's "magic lamp" then make a wish because the Jinn will come out... sometimes faster than you can make a wish... Premature wishful thinking I guess?


These most of the time have no subject and all they want you to do is send them to as many friends as you can. The twist is that they are "cursed"and if you read even 3-4 words you need to keep reading them or something horrible will happen to you! These are often posted in youtube or facebook as comments that you need to repost. What's funny about these are that they even have proof! For example, someone that didn't send it or deleted it woke up with no hair on their teeth! Or someone ended up waking up in Sahara desert...  Don't laugh I have recieved way too many of these because I am sure people actually believe these... If you read it on the internet it must be true right?

This is a new one I keep receiving lately. It says more or less that you can't buy some stuff with money and also that this has traveled around the world... wait for it... not once, not twice... but 8 times! And you know how hard this is with e-mails! I am impressed already, but wait it gets better. This CHINESE e-mail has its origin from where else? Exactly! Holland!
 It continues by saying to send it, NOT MONEY, (send money to me instead o it) and don't keep it for more than 96 hours. Luck travels with the internet stupid! That's why we are so lucky nowadays I guess?This message has been send from some dude from South Africa... Wait I thought the chinese mail was from Holland, not South Africa... I am confused... Also if you do this luck will arrive in 4 days... I guess it needs lot's of bandwidth to download... And then it goes on on how some people got their luck and some didn't. Everything with proof of course... Like everything else on the internet!


 This chain e-mail was first send back in the 1920s... We might not have internet back then but if the internet says so, who am I to say I don't believe it?

Bottom line, there are many variations of these stupid e-mails. I don't care for them so stop sending them to me. If they were true I would have lost my mother 5 times now, lost 3 of my legs, I would be blind, go to hell 13 times, got eaten by angry pokemons 10 times and so on.

Why all these chain e-mails? Gullibility, stupidity or e-mail mining from smart marketers that want to bombard you with spam. When these get send 5 times and each mail has 20 contacts it's around 100+ e-mails. Wonder why you get so much spam? That's why.

If you read my blog you will have lot's of luck and money. If not I will send you care bears to eat your brains. 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Internet scams for dumb people

I have a saying in life and that is:

"Everybody deserves what they get"

When someone approaches you in the road and tells you "hey bro I found a million dollars and I wanna share it with you", will you believe him? I would suppose no, although I might also be wrong, with the foolishness of some people...Since 1997 or so where internet really entered our homes people are becoming victims of scams all over the world. Internet helps more, than in the old days where cheating someone off his sweet money, took time and energy and it was nerve wrecking for the con artists. Now it's easy. You can scam millions literally and all the time it takes is some copy pasting and sending some e-mails.

In case you didn't know, Eiffel Tower selling was one of the best scams for con artists back in the day. Someone would approach you and tell you that all the scrap metal from it, could be bought in a very reasonable price. You won't imagine how many people believed it and bought the Eiffel tower time after time. Why the scam never reached the rest of the people? Well you can imagine the dude that bought it going to the police and telling them "Ehm... OK, don't laugh and don't take me for a fool but someone tricked me and I thought I bought the Eiffel tower off him...". You can imagine the public humiliation back then, because of the small societies and  social cycles.

But let's see some of the best scams today that idiots fall prey to!
Nigerian Scam

This is around since 1920 or so. Back then they used letters and it has stripped people off millions. How it works? Some "prince" tells you that he wants to transfer some millions off his accounts because his evil uncle is trying to kill him or whatever and he needs your help to do so (since you are so famous). Soon after you agree, he ll start asking you to pay small fees for the supposed transfer, bribing officials and so on. Bottom line when you are left with no money in your bank account you realize something is wrong. Congratulations! You can now join the ranks of probably thousands of dumb asses that lost their money this way. There are many versions of this scam but you get the general idea. 

Lottery Scam

This is more or less a variation of the previous one where someone (that is probably smarter than you), sends you a very detailed letter from a supposedly legit lottery company and informs you that you won some million dollars! Sounds legit right? I mean winning a lottery you don't even took part at? You must be very lucky!... or very very dumb if you believed it. Same as before, for the transfer to be completed you need to pay fees and so on. Now I bet you never asked them why they can't pay it from the money you won or for them to pay it and you will pay them back when you get the money beats me. Again if you fell for a scam like this stay away from Vegas.
Phishing Scam

This is one of the best scams and if you don't pay much attention your accounts and credit cards are at great risk. Hot it works? Someone sends you an e-mail saying your account (Facebook, paypal etc) has been stolen and you need to log in to it so you can get it back. Then they ask you for a full form with your info from a site that looks like the ones I mentioned but if you look closely at the address it has some spin off of the original address. What you really do is providing them with your full info, some times even your credit card and they just have to move fast and make a fool out of you (facebook for example, assuming you don't make a fool out of yourself every day), or steal your credit card or bank account and go into a shopping spree with your money. My thoughts? Social engineering, because there is no patch for human stupidity!
Work at home scam

I bet all these ads everywhere saying you can make thousands from the comfort of your home sound pretty sweet right? I bet you thought you are smarter than the rest of the population that we must drag our asses off to work everyday. You found the system man! You are Da Man! No you are not. This is another classic scheme. This works mostly with a pyramid structure. Someone on the top found some way to make money with you actually making the whole work. Now add 10 people and from these people add 10 more per person and so on and it can get pretty sweet... for the person on the top and not for you. 

 You spend all day clicking on ads, watching commercials, sending e-mails, having some bar on your browser and playing games and so on and you start by making 1-2 dollars each day and you feel good about yourself. And you say, I have to get more referrals to get 10% off each of them and so on and so on. Sooner or later you end up with an account of 100 dollars and you try to get those hard earned money only to realize that nothing happens after 2-3 months that you requested for them! Congratulations again!
You feel bad for the people that got scammed? Don't be. This is how economy works in the first place. You can't become rich without fooling some dumb asses. Stock Market, Euro Zone and so on.

My final advice is, if something is too good to be true, it probably is, so leave it alone.

And in case you don't care about your money donate em to me.