Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Famous last (dumb?) words

I always liked these and I found some on the interwebs. 

Thank the universe Bush isn't the President any more... I can so picture him saying that...

Do I really have to say anything here? I still try to figure out how he got up there!


No Pandas were harmed in the making of this picture...!


Chris Rock: "Have you seen in circus men that put their heads inside a tiger's mouth? And when the tiger bites him everyone screams: The Tiger went crazy!! Actually the Tiger went Tiger..."

Hint: Favorite movie of many women...

And some more:

"Niiice doggy!"
"Don't worry the gun isn't loaded"
"Hospital? I am ok I tell you!"
"Pull the pin and count to what?"
"It's bullet proof! Here, shoot me!"
"Cut the red wire! It's always the red!"
"Aaaw so cute... I wonder where its mom is..."
"huh... this tastes weird..."
"Haunted house? I got to investigate!"
"I told you there are no monsters/ghost!"
"Do you hear that too?"
"Lets split up!"
"What mines?"
"God will protect us!" (I just had to..."
"Of course it is safe"
"Don't worry they don't bite"
"I 've done this before!"
"I think they lost us!"
"Is it dead?"

Making fun of Chuck Norris I hope I wi...

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Hooliganism and sports fans

I think sports is a great way to put your energy in use. It also helps you exercise your team spirit, your muscles, your health and maybe make a career out of it. Actually if you think you wanna make a lot of money forget being a lawyer or a doctor, just become a soccer, football or basketball player and you are in for some good bucks. And of course like every professions it needs sacrifices and lots of talent. On the other hand if you can't be a professional sports player...

You can be a sports fan! Or a hooligan! And you can start early like this little guy:
I guess some think it's a hobby. I 'll start with sports fans. Man these people annoy me the most. You can find them anywhere and most likely you have someone in your family. Usual conversations that take place between people that support the same team?

"We won the derby!"
Actually you didn't. They did. You just gave them your money either by watching them in TV (cable?), or going to the stadium, where you paid the ticket and you also had problems with the heat, cold, rain etc and most importantly the time someone scored a goal you were looking at the blonde's boobs that was sitting next to you. So now you wait to go home to actually see the fucking thing. Or even worse if you bet on their win or... their lose. In this case I kinda understand if you say "I won". But most likely you will lose money.

"The coach should have done this and that"
Seriously? You compare yourself with someone that has experience in that sort of job for years and gets paid more than you do? How would you feel if he came to your job and started saying you are doing this wrong, don't do it like that and so on? Keep your opinions for yourself. I am sure everyone that listens to you is thinking the same as me.

"The game was rigged or they gave it away or they lost on purpose"
How many years it took you to understand that this is professional football/soccer/basketball. Everything goes when millions of dollars and euros are on the line. If you don't like it stop complaining and go play Pro Evolution Soccer or Fifa 20xx and get on with your life.

"We are the best team"
Ehm... no you are not. Luck plays a huge role in these games. Put the same 2 teams on 5 consecutive games and each time the score will be different. Even who wins will be different. 
On the other hand we have the people fighting each other because they support a different team... We had fighting over religion and that went well... So now we have sport teams. I bet in the next few years people will fight over ice cream flavors. "Hey chocolate bastard, my vanilla is better!", "Oh yeah? I 'll break your ass off with my ice cone!"... Don't laugh, we are hard wired to gang on each other so this is evolution... And the people that don't only lose their money but some times their lives are our beloved hooligans.
I wish they looked like that but... Yeah. So let me get this right. You join a football fan club and your goal in life is to support it without you gaining anything from it, going out and smashing heads and more often getting your ass kicked by ten (if you are lucky) other dumbasses. While the players and the managers make millions... This does sound familiar actually... Something that starts with an R...? But that's another post...
Some people have lost their lives from hooligans. Some others have been wounded. And I am all in favor of dumb people smacking each other with their fists and other objects. But hurting people that just wanna watch the game or even worse, people that just passed by and were unlucky enough to find them in their way... 

Bottom line... In ancient Rome Emperors offered the people "panem et circenses" aka bread and circuses. This way the people stopped rioting the cities and going against the Roman Emperors. Does it sound familiar? Some food for thought... at least to the ones that are capable of it...

Monday, November 21, 2011

Dumb Criminals (Part 2)

In the previous post I honestly thought that some were PR stunts or fakes, but when I did some more research I found out that crimes like those happen every day. What boggles my mind is that the criminals probably have no TV. I mean come on... We all thought once at least how to make it big. Do some crime and hit the jack pot... And then you opened the TV and NCIS and CSI comes up and you are like... "Fuck that". These dudes are thorough!

Some tried to rob places with no mask on. I mean come on! Haven't you been updated that most places have cameras on? And I don't mean just banks and grocery shops. The streets are filled with them. They only have to follow how you got there from your house to find you... if you are stupid enough to rob a place near your home.

Take this man for example:
Right... The officer injected some humor and the suspect had an urge to take the injection in his ass... How dumb can you be? Probably as dumb as this guy:


Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into the bank one day. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large.
In memory of the event, the bank has put this engraved plaque on the wall ...."Freeze, Mother-Stickers, this is a fuck-up!"

I won't even comment on this... But take a look at the next one:


A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?

I suddenly want to be robbed...
As for her... She didn't do anything. I just noticed that when I put images of beautiful women (OK, OK, and boobs...) I get more views so there you have it... So after this break:

So the dude left his house. Went to rob another house and he thought "hey while I am here why not take a shower?". That explains in every police movie that there is semen almost everywhere the cops look. I hope the dude didn't play with his "gun" while in there...

This next guy is so dumb he 'll probably end up in jail because of it...
And ok going to jail because you tried to steal money... But going to jail because you tried to steal... actually watch the next video...
A family pack of steaks? Come on... Where would you hide it in your... oh wait...

I was a bit skeptical about posting the next video because something tells me they will rise the retirement age but... oh well...
My advice... "Don't do robberies if you can't overtake a senior citizen... with balls of steel..."

To my surprise(?) I found a lot of these videos and pictures out there. Just do a search and you 'll find them. I hope you enjoyed this post! Now you will excuse me but I 'll return to who I was doing before I started writing this... Oops did I say who?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Dumb criminals (part 1)

I researched some funny stories about dumb criminals. I think in the job description there should be an IQ test. You just save time the police of catching you, getting you a lawyer (poor thing imagine him defending some of the people, I 'll mention...), and then moving you to prison. Just go to the nearest police station and say: "Ehm... hi. I am stupid and I thought of committing a crime... So here I am... arrest me". Faster right?

We already had a complain it seems... I am so happy I can reach so many people... So yeah...

September 3, 2009. Philadelphia: "[Insert name here] held up a bank in Bethlehem Wednesday and left behind a huge clue, according to police – his wallet, complete with photo ID's his Social Security card and a Philadelphia criminal registration card.
The photos of the Philadelphia man match the gold-toothed guy on the bank's surveillance tape police said.
The robber put his wallet on the teller's counter as he handed over a note demanding money. He made off with $800 and was still on the run Thursday morning."
Seriously bro? Before you went to the bank you had a checklist like this?
Gun: check
Mask: ehm...
Wallet: check
ID and SSN: check! In case a police officer stops me!


The next one, I 'll give it to you in the form of a picture...
No people, pot doesn't make you dumb. Teh Dumbz (as lolcats say) is something you already had before the pot...

Next one is from an iPhone application "99 dumb criminals" (probably exists on android too):
What someone can even comment on this? You are stupid.. Just stay home... It's safer for everyone... So you think you can't get even dumber? Watch the next video...
I only hope the owner had insurance against stupidity... I 'd really like to comment on these but I am too busy facepalming my self.
This woman was either incredibly brave... or stupid... But hey lawful stupid vs criminal stupid = 1 - 0
Can you imagine this guy in prison? Trying to explain how he got caught? He 'll probably will be the laughing stock of the prison... Unless he met this guy:
I told you dumb people are dangerous to carry around... "Dude if someone moves shoot them OK?", "ehm OK boss", "I 'll go get the money now", *BOOM*... "oops...", "You... Dumb... ass..."

I 'll finish part 2 of this post with something John Wayne said:

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Woman's logic...(part 2)

My previous post had many women tell me I am sexist and I generalize. Well I did the same with men so I am allowed to do the same with women. Equality shower baby! So here goes the second part!

Have you ever heard a woman tell you how men are liars? I mean especially when they approach them in a bar they are so fake (men) and how they are not their real self? All these cheesy pick up lines like:

"Baby if I told you your body is hot, would you hold it against me?"
"You turn my software into hardware!"
"Are you lost because heaven is a long way from here"

Anyway you see where I am going with this. Men most of the times aren't real when approaching women... I mean come on, what do you expect the guy to say? I love love songs and walks in the beach? He probably watches football and plays Mortal Kombat on his free time. On the other hand women aren't real too when they go out... What I mean?

Last time I checked, most women wear high heels. That's not their real height. Most women wear make up. That's far from what you 'll see when you wake up next to her in the next morning (or one of the morning if you stick with her). That's also not her real breast size (you preferred the term boobs?), she probably wears push up bra. Finally that's not her ass... It's the stockings or the dress that makes it look like that. Don't tell me you haven't undressed a woman ever and you thought... "Huh... That's different from what I imagined...". I could go on with the list but you get the point. And to prove it:

Now where the dumb part comes? You are hurting yourself with all these. Make up is bad for your skin. High heels are bad for your waist. Tight cloths are bad for you. You prefer to be loved for something you are not or for something you are?

And don't even get me started with the plastic surgery a woman can have to look better. Some women might say "You generalize, I am not like that". First, yes I generalize. When someone asks me what day it is, I don't get into a debate like this: "Well I am glad you asked me that my friend. Today is Monday but in Los Angeles it is Sunday. Now if we accept the theory of alternate dimensions, we might have in one of them Friday. But if you accept that light can travel so fast in Andromeda today it might be Wednesday". So unless you talk like that in your every day life don't tell me I generalize. I speak for the highest percentage always. Deal with it.

Also when you wear tight jeans expect men to look at your ass and when you wear low cut blouses expect them to look at your boobs. If we run around with our dick out would you not check it out?

Another topic I want to bring to the table is something everyone will probably enjoy... Sex. There I said it! Women have it easy when it comes to sex. Go out pick a guy, get home, have sex, tell him your boyfriend is the Kick Boxing champion of so and so country and he will probably never call you again. (sometimes he won't call you anyway but hey). On the other hand women have it hard when it comes to love. So it kinda evens the thing out. On the other hand they have multiple orgasms. But they also have periods. I don't remember who said it but "I don't trust creatures that bleed for 5-7 days and they don't die". 

Anyway I got off topic. But this pic will probably put us in the mood:
Since when there was a sex council between the two sexes and I wasn't invited? First off I have to break one of those myths... And I steal from Chris Rock but... Just because a man came it doesn't mean you made him come. What I mean? Men are easy to please really. Inevitably if you ehm... pet us enough we 'll get there. It's like a bottle of ketchup. If you keep slapping it, ketchup will come out. On the other hand women think we are bound by martial law to make em come in bed... When we come fast you tell us we don't care about your needs. When we don't come fast you tell us we don't get turned on enough by you... Seriously pick one?

First off every woman is different in bed. (OK, OK, and out of that...) Don't expect us to know what makes you excited. Some like it rough. Some like it soft. Some like to slap the man around. Some like it the other way around. Some like it clitoral. Some like it vaginally. Some have sensitive breasts. Some like anal. In case you didn't know women have more than 20-30 places where you can touch them and go crazy. 

My advice? There should be an instructions manual with every women we meet. Tip: Communicate with him. No matter what you tell a man he probably fantasizes worse and with the Internet I don't think anything can shock anyone any more. Don't put ideas on his mind and then be like oh my god I 'd never do that... And then fantasize about it when you are alone... 

Another funny thing I hear lately is how we objectify women. Before I begin I 'll share this with you:
In this life no one can do anything to you unless you let them. Especially when you work in places like Hooters or strip clubs. Don't get me wrong I enjoy both but I never say I want my brain stimulated lets go to a strip club. 

Anyway I will again be labeled as a misogynist pig but hey. As long as some people laughed... I am OK with it!
Writing a post about men: Funny
Writing a post about women: Misogynistic
Go figure...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Woman's logic... (part 1)

Since my last post was a bit insensitive to men, I think it's time to fix this. I will now be insensitive to women. I love women. Well OK, most of them, but it's hard as hell to understand them sometimes. Add to that, the "difficult" weeks of the month and you have the DaVinci code set to God mode difficulty.
What I mean? Most of you interact with women daily. Some of you don't. When was the last time you had a woman call you out of the blue maybe at 2 in the morning and start saying something with such a dramatic tone of voice and so much passion and emotion that you think it must be the end of the world? And since you have a job you were probably sleeping by that time. She called you at 2 in the morning... So it must be important... It isn't. And this is because this happened to me last night. But let me explain...
Women always say that their intuition and emotional compass is extra-ordinary compared to men. Yet when they get into a relationship (most of the time with the wrong person), they forget that intuition. You have probably all heard this:

"I can't stand him anymore... He is abusive/jerk/arrogant/etc, and he cheated on me/flirts with other girls/etc."

Now any guy will make the mistake of giving advice. Because that's what we do when we talk to each other. We discuss a problem so we can solve it. Women don't do that. They discuss a problem to get sympathy and get it out there. They don't let something like logic ruin their day...
So when I was younger I'd say: "Well break up". And the answer back then would make me go "WTF?" but now I don't get any answer because when a woman tells me something I go like: "I see, hope you 'll be OK..." . (To the women that know me, I don't do that with you... I really care... Really!...")
And what is the answer all men get? Either "I 'll break up with the pig" and the next day you will see them together smiling... Or "But he is a nice guy..." translation for the women illiterate "He is good at sex" or "Who wants to be single, it took me 2 years to find his dumb ass".
Thing is I don't mind women coming to me with their problems... I have many people to direct them to. Jesus is one of them but even he has some tolerance levels. My problem is the timing and that women that know me should know that I don't care about their sex life... unless it includes me of course. I care if they are healthy and... well at least OK psychologically, but telling me why their loser boyfriend is a jerk and next day they are OK... Not my style. I have more important things to do... Feed my lizard, give a haircut to my turtle, catch up with the latest news in Madagascar and so on...
So here are some things I heard and read on the Internet that have women's logic all over them.

"Capre Diem" on her Facebook status... Playing Farmville 10 hours every day...
What you play WoW (World of Warcraft)? Loseeeeer!!! Then go and play Farmville for the next 10 hours...
Girl beats you up at something, then says "Haha you got beaten by a girl!!" 
Equality between men and women. "He pays for everything though".
Posts on Facebook: "I am so mad right now!!!". Someone asks "why?". Her response... I don't wanna talk about it...
Men bond over women... Women also bond over other women... Like this:
Dave Chappelle the comedian said this: "Me and my buddies see this girl outside a bar and she looks fine... Not in the traditional way... Half her ass is hanging out of her skirt, her boobs are mashed together popping out of the turtleneck and one of my buddies screams: OMG look at those titties! The girl of course comes there and says that just because she is dressed that way, it doesn't make her a whore. And Dave says... that she is right... just because they dress a certain way it doesn't mean they are a certain way but women you have to understand, that it is fucking confusing.
Imagine me, Dave Chappelle walking down the street in a cop uniform. Someone might come up to me and say "Thank God officer, come with me, please help us." And I 'd say "Ooooh just because I am dressed this way, does not make me a police officer"... So girls this is what happens when you wear a whore's uniform... We get confused."
So when you go out dressed in a way that you know men will notice you... Ignoring them just to feel well is just wrong... 
I actually thought I 'd finish this in one post but you are in luck... I won't. 
"But you only made one post for men... You are a sexist pig!"
Sue me...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Types of guys that don't get laid

Dumb people are all around us. We have already established that. But there are categories of dumb people. First off there are men and women. Stating the obvious is always fun! Now the men... When it comes to relationships and flirting and whatever they have gotten so brainwashed from TV that they think this is possible:
Sorry to break it to you bro but... it isn't. So men thought that they found the solution! Infiltrate enemy territory, get them to trust you and strike!... at some point... when she will be ehm... I don't know we 'll see. Now personally I don't give a damn. More women for the rest of us. But dudes you are feeding them with false info on what men really are. 
So me and my friends have categorized these... men into the following species:


Come on don't tell me you haven't seen those? Look at every table, bar stool when you are at a club or wherever and you will spot em at once: For every four women there will be at least one man. Why? Because he is their... wait for it... DRIVER! Now variations do apply. For example the sports car owner with just one seat, or if two of the girls live in different parts of town there will be two drivers and so on. Now if you see 3 men for 4 girls that's just wrong...
So who are these men. These men go out with women and drive them around and they feel good about themselves when they tell this to other people "Dude I was out with 4 chicks yesterday, I had a great time! One of them also kept hugging me and dancing with me". Now to a man that has an idea about women that comment would have made him drop on the floor, and start laughing. But what he didn't tell you is that when he got home he pet'd the big Cahuna and then slept with a tear in his eyes... 
So how dumb can you be? A girl will probably call you and tell you to go out with them when you have a car. We all know this. I had friends that no women would speak to them... up to the point they got a car. And then one of those women got bored of having to share him so he got into a relationship with him. But she tends to be the least attractive of the group or... the girl that lives further away from the rest. At least when you are out have fun. Don't sit in the corner while they are having fun. Bring your buddies or flirt with other women. Or even with the girls that are with you.
Solution? Next time they call you to "have fun". Do something else. You didn't stand a chance anyway. You should have made a move the second time you got out with them.

I kinda feel bad for these men. They are dumb but they are also dreamers... They are the men that will go out with a girl and they hope or think that the girl will magically fall for them if they (men) be proper gentlemen or good guys. But as we all know good guys finish last. And so what happens is that these men become good friend with the girl and they go out and have a good time and when they reach the end of the "date" the girl leans and gives him the kiss of death (on the cheek) and says the dreaded word... "Goodnight". If he is lucky he ll get two kisses! 
How to spot em? Look everywhere you go for men and women hanging out but they don't kiss or express any feelings. The girl might have nothing better to do that night and she thought it's better to go out with him (especially since he always pays) and check some guys out rather than stay home today.
Solution? Stop being a good guy and learn a thing or two about women from your friends that actually get laid. Stop being the easy solution to every girl's whim.

This man is the best thing that can happen to a woman. Boyfriends might leave her, abuse her and so on, but not this guy. This is the best friend, the buddy, the guy that knows all her secrets. Difference is that he never gets laid. He is the guy that has heard so many times "I see you as a friend" that he has actually believed that this is a good thing. "Someday I ll get her", this is his motto. He is the guy that the girl will tell him about her new crush, how great the sex was, how he abused her, how crushed she is when the other guys cheated on her and then dumbed her for the less attractive girl... 
His response to all that is trying to make her see how different he is, and how good he 'd treat her but to no avail. Maybe he should grab a pair and see that the girl is just attracted to assholes. And how you can attract her? That's a secret... He still can't figure it or he just says "I don't want to be an asshole to get her, I want her to love me for who I am". Don't lose hope though. When no other man will be attracted to her and when she ll be vulnerable he ll probably do what all women do. Go for the safe guy that she knows can't hurt her.
Hey if you don't mind being the last choice of a girl who am I to burst your bubble?

This guy is more or less like the last one but he has a great addition for the girl he is after. Money, gifts and probably a car. So this guy is in relationship mode thinking he ll buy the girl's attention with all the gifts he gives her and with his expensive dinners, taking her for vacations (where she probably hooks up with a random guy leaving him alone for the rest of the days).
My advice? Would you give all these to a random stranger or a guy? Why would you do this with a girl? In this life like everything else thing/favors//etc are earned. Stop wasting your money and energy. As they say what's the difference between a prostitute and your "girlfriend"? Your girlfriend is more expensive. So imagine if she isn't your girlfriend...
This guy also has another side to him. Since he is already in relationship mode he 'll call the girl or send sms/texts etc in the middle of the night and tell her "I miss you". And he waits for her to respond but she probably is having sex at that time so she never does... 

If you use facebook you surely know this guy. He knows everything about all the girls he has on his friend list. When they talk about something he thinks to himself "I already know that, I read it on your facebook". He has many pictures of the girls in folders and he posts in all of the girls the same thing: "WOW YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE AN ANGEL!", and so on. He 'll even steal the girl's password to "protect" her from her boyfriend, other guys that like her, her bitchy friends etc. He will also message all the girls he knows with the same thing till someone answers him. He is the guy that when he meets you in real life won't ask your number but your facebook. Stay away.
Our advice, get a life and a therapist. You will never get laid.

Monday, November 7, 2011

11/11/11 ! The end is near!?... Again...

This is the main problem with dumb people. You go through your day wondering what your next blog entry will be (It was about the things men do and don't get laid by the way...) but you start listening to dumb people and their fear or expectations of a single day. The 11.11.11. And you just know you have to ruin it for them! Seriously people? This again? We had the millennium Y2K before this and nothing happened. Many others (cult) thought the world would end many years before, and now we have the 11.11.11, where everyone will "interconnect" or something...

So this is what they believe will happen:
OK wait a minute... What was that? 
Of course I won't even bother giving them views for some idiotic theme some people with lots of free time thought of. And because everybody loves kittens, there you had it.
Now back to our subject:

Let's see what they believe that this day will bring us (them).

"The date of 11-11-11 is one of the most powerful shifts in human awareness that we will experience in our lifetime. It is a rare opportunity to release lifetimes of karmic scripting and ancestral entrapment. Entrapment in the sense of the conscious and unconscious habit patterns which have us wondering why we can’t seem to actualize the life we really want to have, and know is possible. 11-11-11 is the cosmic birth date of humanities prayer for liberation from the rote, mundane, and monotonous."

So let me get this straight. Based on the Gregorian calendar we will all reach a higher lever of awareness where we will all love each other and be more motivated to reach our dreams. Let's start with the notion that we believe this. What about the people that believe in the Hebrew, Mayan or Julian calendar. What happens to them??? Will they be left out of this unique phenomenon? Or even worse what will happen if we all sleep through that day? Say you came back late on 11/10 (or for the non Americans 10/11) and you were partying for 3 days straight so you sleep through that day. What will happen? 
And I am asking this mostly because of my cat! Will our pets will be enlightened if they sleep through it? And trust me if we talk about my cat, he can sleep through earthquakes let alone 11.11.11. Something like enlightenment won't stop him from sleeping.

"This day is special you ignorant blogger" 

I can almost hear some say. 

"You haven't heard of the Great Blue Norther on 11.11.11?"
Since I didn't knew about it before they actually mention it to me this was a cold snap that happened a century ago and affected the central United States. Many cities broke record highs that afternoon and at night they broke record lows. So was 11.11.11 responsible for it? No. this phenomenon wasn't unique and it tends to happen in November. It happened before and it happened again. As they say even a broken clock is right two times a day. So the cause of it was an extremely strong storm system separating the warm humid air from frigid, arctic air. 

Humans like to find patterns and faces where they don't exist. It's in our nature. But our nature also includes logic and common sense, which some people lack in a consistent manner. First off no day is special. We make each day special, especially if you have come to terms with the fact that we will not live forever.
For example many afraid that the world will end in 2012. Guess again. Seems scientists read wrong the calendar and it doesn't stop on 2012. If you don't believe me search google with "Mayan calendar was read wrong?". Oops. for all of you that got tickets to the "End of the world orgy" you got scammed. For the rest of us that we don't really care, it will be another day. 

Also when you read it like this: 11.11.11 it seems so powerful. But read it again: 11.11.2011. Doesn't seem so special now, right? So if there was an enlightened day it would have probably happened on 11.11.1111. On the other hand this couldn't be further from the truth since the Dark Ages were "active" on that date. 
If you want enlightenment do something good for yourself and for others. Get up from your lazy ass and learn something new. Don't give me the whole Carpe Diem when you play farmville 10 hours per day. 

So my friends. The sky isn't falling, the end isn't near, life is as special as it was yesterday. Stop believing in whatever, some random dude thought of, in the time he was on the toilet defecating, and start researching everything you hear.
I am out now. I have to go sit on the toilet to think what I 'll post on 2012... 

Friday, November 4, 2011

Unfortunate product names (Part 2)

(Before I start the main topic I want to ask you if you like the blog to leave some feedback through comments, "Like" us on Facebook, tell your friends, re post in facebook your favorite posts and join our pages there: . Thank you all in advance. We believe we'll reach 1000 page views because of you, in a month).

And now the rest of the genius names some people thought(?) to name their products. 

I sometimes wonder if they sit in a meeting room to find a name and someone after some time of thinking yells: COOL PISS! "Huh, you wanna piss?", "No, no, let's name the juice: COOLPIS!" And then the "we are the champions" soundtrack starts and everyone starts hugging each other for a job well done... And don't tell me they don't know what piss might mean. As a friend mentioned, I bet they have TVs with English programs.

Now what can I say about this? As a name it is stupid but not because of the reason you thought. If you wanted to sell a soap, wouldn't it be better if it was for a broader audience? Putting the HOMO on it no man will go and buy it even if it had butterflies and rainbows in it... Hell not even if they gave you a girl with it. "He tries to overcompensate!"

We all can guess how this name came about... "Duuude these are so tasty...", "yeah bro, they are so addicting... almost like crack!", "OMG man we found the name of our new product! Choco Crack!". My advice? Don't name your products when you are stoned. 

Worse thing about this isn't just the name.. It's that if you don't pay much attention to the label on it, you really think it looks like

Honestly I don't know what this product is but "Pet sweat"... Seriously? From all the names that were on the table this was the best? What was the second of choice? Pet shit?

Psct(tit)t is something I like, but in pairs, so the bastards that made this are pushing you to buy two each time.. Sneaky bastards...

Don't ask, don't tell... Sounds good though... Especially if you have an accent and you ask for it in the counter of your drug store or wherever you buy it from..

And had to leave the best for last:
"Hey baby want me to grab you a fart?", "No baby I have one right here". "Hey bro grab me a fart!".

So next time you think of a product name, do your research or at least have some common sense... Which seems that it ain't that common nowadays.