Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Woman's logic...(part 2)

My previous post had many women tell me I am sexist and I generalize. Well I did the same with men so I am allowed to do the same with women. Equality shower baby! So here goes the second part!

Have you ever heard a woman tell you how men are liars? I mean especially when they approach them in a bar they are so fake (men) and how they are not their real self? All these cheesy pick up lines like:

"Baby if I told you your body is hot, would you hold it against me?"
"You turn my software into hardware!"
"Are you lost because heaven is a long way from here"

Anyway you see where I am going with this. Men most of the times aren't real when approaching women... I mean come on, what do you expect the guy to say? I love love songs and walks in the beach? He probably watches football and plays Mortal Kombat on his free time. On the other hand women aren't real too when they go out... What I mean?

Last time I checked, most women wear high heels. That's not their real height. Most women wear make up. That's far from what you 'll see when you wake up next to her in the next morning (or one of the morning if you stick with her). That's also not her real breast size (you preferred the term boobs?), she probably wears push up bra. Finally that's not her ass... It's the stockings or the dress that makes it look like that. Don't tell me you haven't undressed a woman ever and you thought... "Huh... That's different from what I imagined...". I could go on with the list but you get the point. And to prove it:

Now where the dumb part comes? You are hurting yourself with all these. Make up is bad for your skin. High heels are bad for your waist. Tight cloths are bad for you. You prefer to be loved for something you are not or for something you are?

And don't even get me started with the plastic surgery a woman can have to look better. Some women might say "You generalize, I am not like that". First, yes I generalize. When someone asks me what day it is, I don't get into a debate like this: "Well I am glad you asked me that my friend. Today is Monday but in Los Angeles it is Sunday. Now if we accept the theory of alternate dimensions, we might have in one of them Friday. But if you accept that light can travel so fast in Andromeda today it might be Wednesday". So unless you talk like that in your every day life don't tell me I generalize. I speak for the highest percentage always. Deal with it.

Also when you wear tight jeans expect men to look at your ass and when you wear low cut blouses expect them to look at your boobs. If we run around with our dick out would you not check it out?

Another topic I want to bring to the table is something everyone will probably enjoy... Sex. There I said it! Women have it easy when it comes to sex. Go out pick a guy, get home, have sex, tell him your boyfriend is the Kick Boxing champion of so and so country and he will probably never call you again. (sometimes he won't call you anyway but hey). On the other hand women have it hard when it comes to love. So it kinda evens the thing out. On the other hand they have multiple orgasms. But they also have periods. I don't remember who said it but "I don't trust creatures that bleed for 5-7 days and they don't die". 

Anyway I got off topic. But this pic will probably put us in the mood:
Since when there was a sex council between the two sexes and I wasn't invited? First off I have to break one of those myths... And I steal from Chris Rock but... Just because a man came it doesn't mean you made him come. What I mean? Men are easy to please really. Inevitably if you ehm... pet us enough we 'll get there. It's like a bottle of ketchup. If you keep slapping it, ketchup will come out. On the other hand women think we are bound by martial law to make em come in bed... When we come fast you tell us we don't care about your needs. When we don't come fast you tell us we don't get turned on enough by you... Seriously pick one?

First off every woman is different in bed. (OK, OK, and out of that...) Don't expect us to know what makes you excited. Some like it rough. Some like it soft. Some like to slap the man around. Some like it the other way around. Some like it clitoral. Some like it vaginally. Some have sensitive breasts. Some like anal. In case you didn't know women have more than 20-30 places where you can touch them and go crazy. 

My advice? There should be an instructions manual with every women we meet. Tip: Communicate with him. No matter what you tell a man he probably fantasizes worse and with the Internet I don't think anything can shock anyone any more. Don't put ideas on his mind and then be like oh my god I 'd never do that... And then fantasize about it when you are alone... 

Another funny thing I hear lately is how we objectify women. Before I begin I 'll share this with you:
In this life no one can do anything to you unless you let them. Especially when you work in places like Hooters or strip clubs. Don't get me wrong I enjoy both but I never say I want my brain stimulated lets go to a strip club. 

Anyway I will again be labeled as a misogynist pig but hey. As long as some people laughed... I am OK with it!
Writing a post about men: Funny
Writing a post about women: Misogynistic
Go figure...