Sunday, November 13, 2011

Woman's logic... (part 1)

Since my last post was a bit insensitive to men, I think it's time to fix this. I will now be insensitive to women. I love women. Well OK, most of them, but it's hard as hell to understand them sometimes. Add to that, the "difficult" weeks of the month and you have the DaVinci code set to God mode difficulty.
What I mean? Most of you interact with women daily. Some of you don't. When was the last time you had a woman call you out of the blue maybe at 2 in the morning and start saying something with such a dramatic tone of voice and so much passion and emotion that you think it must be the end of the world? And since you have a job you were probably sleeping by that time. She called you at 2 in the morning... So it must be important... It isn't. And this is because this happened to me last night. But let me explain...
Women always say that their intuition and emotional compass is extra-ordinary compared to men. Yet when they get into a relationship (most of the time with the wrong person), they forget that intuition. You have probably all heard this:

"I can't stand him anymore... He is abusive/jerk/arrogant/etc, and he cheated on me/flirts with other girls/etc."

Now any guy will make the mistake of giving advice. Because that's what we do when we talk to each other. We discuss a problem so we can solve it. Women don't do that. They discuss a problem to get sympathy and get it out there. They don't let something like logic ruin their day...
So when I was younger I'd say: "Well break up". And the answer back then would make me go "WTF?" but now I don't get any answer because when a woman tells me something I go like: "I see, hope you 'll be OK..." . (To the women that know me, I don't do that with you... I really care... Really!...")
And what is the answer all men get? Either "I 'll break up with the pig" and the next day you will see them together smiling... Or "But he is a nice guy..." translation for the women illiterate "He is good at sex" or "Who wants to be single, it took me 2 years to find his dumb ass".
Thing is I don't mind women coming to me with their problems... I have many people to direct them to. Jesus is one of them but even he has some tolerance levels. My problem is the timing and that women that know me should know that I don't care about their sex life... unless it includes me of course. I care if they are healthy and... well at least OK psychologically, but telling me why their loser boyfriend is a jerk and next day they are OK... Not my style. I have more important things to do... Feed my lizard, give a haircut to my turtle, catch up with the latest news in Madagascar and so on...
So here are some things I heard and read on the Internet that have women's logic all over them.

"Capre Diem" on her Facebook status... Playing Farmville 10 hours every day...
What you play WoW (World of Warcraft)? Loseeeeer!!! Then go and play Farmville for the next 10 hours...
Girl beats you up at something, then says "Haha you got beaten by a girl!!" 
Equality between men and women. "He pays for everything though".
Posts on Facebook: "I am so mad right now!!!". Someone asks "why?". Her response... I don't wanna talk about it...
Men bond over women... Women also bond over other women... Like this:
Dave Chappelle the comedian said this: "Me and my buddies see this girl outside a bar and she looks fine... Not in the traditional way... Half her ass is hanging out of her skirt, her boobs are mashed together popping out of the turtleneck and one of my buddies screams: OMG look at those titties! The girl of course comes there and says that just because she is dressed that way, it doesn't make her a whore. And Dave says... that she is right... just because they dress a certain way it doesn't mean they are a certain way but women you have to understand, that it is fucking confusing.
Imagine me, Dave Chappelle walking down the street in a cop uniform. Someone might come up to me and say "Thank God officer, come with me, please help us." And I 'd say "Ooooh just because I am dressed this way, does not make me a police officer"... So girls this is what happens when you wear a whore's uniform... We get confused."
So when you go out dressed in a way that you know men will notice you... Ignoring them just to feel well is just wrong... 
I actually thought I 'd finish this in one post but you are in luck... I won't. 
"But you only made one post for men... You are a sexist pig!"
Sue me...