Saturday, December 31, 2011

Things to look forward to in 2012

New year's eve at last. The highlight of the previous year for the whole world must have been how the Euro fucked up so hard that we actually had corporations lending countries so they can lend banks so they can lend other corporations to fund the countries that lend the banks of the corporations that.... OK that makes no sense I know. But guess what! The whole crisis makes no sense so fuck that.

So there are some things I look forward this year. 2012!

  • At last the world will end! Yes there! I SAID IT! It's been a fun ride folks but after 3000 years I feel I saw it all. Genocides, natural disasters, the dark ages, wars, betrayals, the same religion broken down to 100 others, women and men not getting along and so on. I mean I see the same movie for like 3000+ years. This is my stop. Stop the earth, I wanna get off (metaphorically and literally). And then some smart people find a Mayan calendar and what is their conclusion? If the calendar ends it means the world will end. Hey, smartass if this January we ended up blowing ourselves up and some alien civilization came in June and found a calendar for 2012 do you think they would assume that since the calendar ends on December that the world will end at that time? Mayans didn't update their calendar, get over it. Can we move on now?
  • Update your friggin laws. Some of them were written when we were running around the world with horses and chariots. Isn't it about time to update em? 
  • Microsoft and Linux, Android and Apple, Ferrari and Lamborghini. Come on people ,stop fighting with each other and make a product that doesn't suck. Humanity must move on. I don't have to buy all the junk you have to offer me when you already have invented something better for the sake of how Marketing works. Want an example? I used to own a hard drive that cost 100 euros back in the day. Capacity? 100 MB. Now with the same money I can buy 1 TB. Don't tell me you didn't have the hint of technology back then. You are the reason we don't explore the galaxy by now
  • I love animals more than anything. More than humans in fact. BUT in case you didn't know most of your pets are manufactured. What I mean? Do you think in ancient Egypt they had those tiny dogs we have today? I doubt it. So how we have them today when they didn't evolve from something? Food for thought. Pets are an industry today. Don't feed it. Having one pet I can understand. If you are the lady with the 100 cats or 20 dogs you have issues. Get over them and leave the poor animals for someone that can take care of them.
  • CERN, Space program, etc. There are people in many countries that have no food to eat because your global economy fucked em up. Stop spending money in stupid shit that you can do when you have feed all the people on the earth. I am sure space and the boson particle can wait a decade. 
  • Sorry for this it might sound harsh but if you have no food to eat, and you can't give your kids the basic things for their survival why you bring them in this world? 
  • Ethnic pride. That's a great one! Just because you were born in a country you are proud about it. "I am a Greek, I am proud!", "I am a German, I am proud of it.". How the hell can you be proud about something you didn't achieve by yourself? It's like saying I am proud that I breath oxygen! Good for you. How come you are only proud about the good things your country did and not for all of its history. Oh come on, don't tell me you can't think of anything. Greeks for example had Efialtis that in the fight of the 300 in the Thermopules (and not the Hot Gates...) betrayed the other Greeks. So feeling proud about him too?
  • People and their resolutions. Why make a list of things you will do this year, when you will probably only do them for the next month if you are lucky and then forget about it? You people probably use the same list every year. Stop writing shit and do them.
  • Men and women should start getting along at some point. I know you are insecure and you have the need to flaunt your peacock feathers (your sports car and your boobs respectively), but for the rest of us you just seem pathetic. Stop flirting for 5 years and get to the point where you have sex. Do all of us a favor. Unless you are dumb. Then have sex but use a condom... permanently. We don't need more stupid people, thank you.
So these are some of the things I look forward to. That and a cure for stupidity... But that's just far fetched...

Happy New Year and thank you for being with me these past 3 months!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Christmas song and letters!

It's Christmas and dumb people are all over the place as usual. But for this post let's forget about them and sing some songs and laugh at some letters sent to Santa by kids (I hope)!

For starters we have Jeff Dunham and Achmed the Dead Terrorist singing Jingle bombs. This video was shown to me by a friend that was piss drunk yesterday... He actually picked up Mike (my hamster) threw it down (you bastard!) and yelled "Pikachu, I Summon you!". And then he told me to see this video. Relevance? None but still I should have recorded the whole thing for proof... 

Of course, today when I told him how cool the video he showed me was didn't remember a thing. Not even the video...So for you religious people I call this my Christmas miracle.

So now let's read some letters sent to Santa. I already got you in the mood with the Christmas song sooooo...

Damn it I didn't know he could do that... Can I ask for a big fat account too? 
Tommy what do you want a Lady Gaga doll for? Oh... never mind... Kids are getting a little feisty nowadays...

Rudolph Rest in Pieces...?

 So what is a Blumpkin?
 Santa I think you need to get a Twitter, a cell phone, a facebook account, a Google plus account and create an app to sort all the kid's letters. Now stop reading this and text the kid's dad for the list!

 No idea why he wrote a letter to Santa about the flight but hey, don't screw the landing Santa!

Hehe, 8 months and already literate... at least more than most people I know... in work...
And finally a letter that my cat wrote. 
 So Merry Christmas everyone. Have fun and enjoy life!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Why Santa can't exist...

(I take no credit for the following. post. I think whoever first wrote should step up and take credit because it's funny and genius at the same time!)

If you believe in Santa or you are under 14 stop reading now! I warned you!
  • No known species of reindeer can fly, but there are 300,000 species of organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
  • There are 2 billion children (defined as persons under 18) in the world; However, since Santa doesn't appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist children, that reduces the workload down to 15% of the original total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's only 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there is at least one good child in each.
  • Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 822.6 visits per second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move on to the next house.
    Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which we know to be false but will accept for the purpose of these calculations), we are talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus eating, etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run 15 miles per hour at the most.
  • The payload on the sleigh add another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-size set of Lego building blocks (about two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that flying reindeer exist (see point 1), can fly very quickly (see point 2), and can pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine, reindeer. We would need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparision, this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2. 
  • 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This would heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they would burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.
    The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within .00426 seconds. Santa, meanwhile, would be subjected to forces 17,500 times greater than normal gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

    Merry Christmas. 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Stupid Interview Questions

Just a small update before the Santa post taken from the oatmeal page!

He probably means Panda bears. Which by the way don't have sex because they are shy. Would you have sex when someone is there watching you? Actually... never mind.

It's funny because it's true... Or it's true because it's funny... OK, I got confused!

 "My weakness is that I am too perfect". You don't believe me? More or less this is the most common answer that people on those books tell you to respond. "Perfectionist".

 There is no need for that anymore. Most HR Managers friend you under an alias on Facebook and check your profile thoroughly.

After the interview finished I send them a thank you bomb! Silence! I kill you!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Resumes and Interviews are stupid

Lately I have been getting some of these spam e-mails, that tell you what to write in your resume and what to say in your ob interview and got me thinking... I have seen books that tell you how to be an effective Human Resources Manager, what questions to ask, how to browse through hundreds of resumes and find the perfect fit for the company. At the same time I have seen other books telling you how to pass the resume keywords system (gasp!) and what to write, what not to write and how to respond to well known interview questions.
Do I smell a scheme there?This kinda reminds me the whole dating scheme and why it fails miserably. First dates are all about withholding bad info and sharing stuff that you are not remotely interested. "No I don't spend much time on my looks, this is how I look in the morning...", "No ,of course I don't like watching sports and play World of Warcraft!". Do you see where I am going with this?

In other words, if you wanna get the job, you better lie and read a lot of "new" advice of what to put on your resume and what not to say in an interview. New you will ask? Yes, some say do this and that, and after a year they say, this is so 90s and you shouldn't do it anymore. There is no way someone will know if you are good at what you do, from a piece of paper and 30 minutes of chit chat. But let's start from the beginning!


 There are companies out there that will actually write your resume and cover letter for you... if you pay them a handsome fee. Which brings me to... If I wanted to work there, can I as them to write my resume? Jokes aside, resumes are ineffective because there is no way to see if someone is a fit for the job from a piece of paper as I already mentioned. Only thing it proves is if you did your research (is this another word for cheating?), if you used the keywords that the filter uses so your resume will actually get some priority number along with other 100 of them for someone to check it. If you are just a bit late and even if you have the best resume most likely someone that was faster than you will get the interview. Don't expect em to interview 100 people. Do you have an idea of how busy HR people are? Because I don't.

"Don't write down what you did in your previous job but rather your accomplishments". Really? People that start have a very limited set of responsibilities. Meaning room for creativity and accomplishments is very limited. If you work as a new salesman I doubt you can call an accomplishment something that other more experienced salesmen do every day. It might be an accomplishment for you but not to them. Also how can you actually check it if you work in HR? With all the hype about privacy I doubt anyone is willing to give someone info about you or your "accomplishments". Now don't get me wrong I am sure some people make a difference but the advice these books and sites give is for everyone not just them. 

Then they say do this, say that and so on but you only have two pages to do it. when I was making my resume I only had 5 years of experience and with my 2 degrees, seminars and info it took 2 pages to fit them all in. Someone with 15 years of experience will probably have a problem. Unless 15 years of experience (or what the HR wants) is one year of experience multiplied by 15. Meaning you learned how to do something in that one year and you kept doing the same for the next 15 years. I can barely call this 15 years of experience. For people like me that try to be creative and improve their skills its hard to fill just 2 pages.

So the solution to the resume problem? Case study. Tell me what you need to do and I will tell you how I would put my skills to good use to help you achieve your goals. I can say in my resume how I am creative and I can do this and that but unless you try me I can say whatever I want. It doesn't take a genius to think something like that. More stress to your HR department to read all these? I truly care.

 Ah the audition. This is how I call it. "Wear this and not that". This color means this and this tie means that. Come on people I am going for a job interview not to become a fashion model. "When you get in and the interviewer greets you give him a firm handshake". Have you ever tried this with someone that gives you a not so firm handshake? Exactly. If not you will probably find out soon enough. "Then sit in the chair this way and your hands should be there and not there". Do you know where people told other people how to sit and how to do this and that? 1940 in Germany. Shall I reach any conclusions about this?

Then the stupid rehearsed questions start. "Why you think you are a good fit for the company?", "Where do you see yourself in 5 years" (as an entrepreneur because I am tired of these bullshit), "What is your biggest weakness?"... "Oh I am so perfect and this causes me problems sometimes... makes people like you feel threatened". And many more. I rarely if ever heard someone ask about how you can help the company with a specific challenge they are facing. 

Then they tell you when they ask you if you have any questions it would be a HUGE mistake not to ask. But watch out HOW you will ask what you wanna ask. For example don't ask about vacations and money. Do these people think I want a job because I am a charity case? I want a job because since I have something to offer I expect to get something back too. I shall work for a month and then learn that I got 50% less than everyone else in my industry? No thank you. Show me the money and the benefits package now! Solution here? Same as before. Ask me what I can do in a specific challenge your company faces. Or how you can get publicity or whatever.
And to prove you how much interviews fail Warren Buffet failed his interview in Harvard and he wasn't accepted when he was young. Too bad that he became a billionaire right? Want some more that got rejected from jobs and became millionaires? There you have it:
  • Steve Jobs was rejected from both Atari and Hewlett-Packard
  • Decca Recording Co. rejected the Beetles
  • Yahoo rejects Google
  • Michael Jordan was rejected by his high school coach
Point being is you need to do things in a way that is not scripted. Google and Jobs offered something the other companies didn't see. Because they followed the standard procedure and protocol. Failing to see talent and skills, and only trying previous decade ways without innovating them and modernizing them will get you so far. You prefer someone telling you scripted rehearsed shit or speaking of his dreams and what he is passionate about?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Google auto-complete reads your mind!

As much as I love Google, the auto-complete/prediction algorithm they have when you try to search something is plain genius... and dumb at the same time. Forget Nostradamus, now Google is making all the predictions for you! I took some time searching stuff on Google and you won't believe what people search in it... Here are some of the results:
OK this is wrong in so many levels... What people search on Google is just amazing. For obvious reasons I wont comment further on this!

 In case you can't see it "so I got busy throwing everybody underneath the bus...". Google you can stop now son... You making it worse... Let them finish their sentence. If you were in an interrogation room and acted like Google auto-complete you 'd spill your guts out even for things you didn't commit.

Cop:"So did you..."
Google:"Rob the bank!Killed JFK! Shot the Sheriff! (But I didn't shoot the Deputy)"
Twilight's time will come soon enough in my blog so just wait. And no he isn't a Vampire. A care bear stalker maybe. But a Vampire? Doubtful. And yes he is fictional, can you deal with that?

"Why does my vag smell...". It's a vagina... it's supposed to smell! As for the green poop... ew. But the best of all? "why can't I own a Canadian?" Let me guess you mean Bieber? Please do all a favor and make him disappear...
I ate a big red candle and a red candle seems to be popular... As for the baby and the bees... Not that everything else makes sense. People don't eat food anymore?
 Yes but if they are coughing fire away. It will muffle the sound... but not the smell...
For the highlighted one.. How many nipples you have??? As for the rest... Ew and nice (for the wet thing).
See how different men and women think? Although are there any women that don't give head? Do they still make em? If you ask me there are two kinds of women. Women that don't give head and women in loving relationships! (paraphrasing Chris rock).
One of the mysteries of the universe I guess... Along with is there life in other planets and the Boson particle.. Why cats like Hitler? I wait for your comments!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Men's Logic

Honestly, being a man myself I have trouble understanding other men when it comes to women... Women on the other hand will probably relate to this post. Normally I had something else in mind to post today but I was out with some friends yesterday and the discussion shifted to the men and women topic. So I will list several things that women and I don't get about men.

  • You are out on a club, lounge, etc. and you notice a girl you like. And you start looking at her and she notices, so she starts checking you out too. The seconds become minutes and the minutes become hours... And you never approach. Why the fuck are you looking at then? Just to let her know you have no balls to approach her?

  • Even worse in the above scenario, you don't just look at her, but her friends too. Trying to up your chances? You think women never tell their friends that "this cute guy is checking me out!"? Think again. Stick to the girl you want AND the one you WILL approach.
  • Some guy might say I don't mind approaching her. And it's true. There are guys that will approach the girl... And 15 other girls the same night... And they think the girls don't notice... 
  • So our guy approaches the girl, leans over and he gives the punch line... "Hey babe, you look so hot, I wanna take you home". The girl looks at you and she gives you the cold shoulder. And you wonder why she rejected you while you call her, in your head a stuck up bitch. How many girls have gone home with you with that pick up line honestly? And why you keep saying it I 'll never understand... And neither will they...
  • In a more general note, men want the girl to like them for who they really are... I have two objections with that. First almost no one shows who they really are, especially on the first dates. Second who are you? Why are you different than the last 100 guys she met? And on a more realistic scenario... Would you like her if she was 100 kg? Why would she like you? Men get all stuck up when they say "The man is the leader". Well Mr leader where is your power? or your money? Even with your logic you can't win. Just because you have a pair doesn't make you any different than the rest with the same pair. 
  • "Women only care about money". I care about money too. Hell everyone I know cares about money too. Money in today's society tend to show the value of a man. Like in the ancient times, when the strongest hunter would get the best girls and so on. You are the one complaining about how men are underrated today. From personal experience just to get laid you don't need money. On the other hand for relationships it is important. How do you expect a woman to trust you with her life and her future baby's life when you still stay at your mom's basement and you work at some no tomorrow job?
    And ok sometimes this happens:
  • Boasting about your sexual prowess to a woman is just dumb. Imagine how many before you have done it and how many times she was disappointed. So less talk more action. In theory everyone is Casanova. In actions they are Easter Bunnies.
  • You approach a woman and she has green eyes. Or great legs or whatever. And you compliment the most obvious part of her body. Compliments are ok to break the ice but dude be more creative. The last 10 guys that approached her told her the same thing you did. What makes you more special?
  • Opening the eX-Files... Seriously that's the best you can come up with, on a date? Bitch about your ex to the girl you want to become your girlfriend?
  • Getting to know each other is great but at least make your life a bit interesting before you talk about it. Playing Fifa, PES and World of Warcraft and doing nothing else is not gonna make her say: "wow I want to be part of his life". Unless she plays at least one of those herself and looks like this:

  • Women are (most of the time) masters on style. Dressing casually all the time while she wears an amazing red dress is something she will complain about, at least to her friends. Get her with you and let her choose some clothes for you. Go on GQ and fashion magazines and get some ideas.
  • Asking a woman to a date will show who you are. It boggles my mind how many men ask a woman to a date and they then say "ok where do you wanna go? what do you wanna do?". Hey dumbass you asked her out, plan for it. Women want men that lead not submissive little boys.
  • Remember when you had a life and friends before you met her? She still wants you to have your life. Don't leech on her 24/7. You become clingy and insecure.
  • Sex isn't a two and a half job. Next time you do it try something for a change. Like actually pleasuring her before you crack a nut. I love it when I become radical! Sex needs imagination. Use it. If not someone else will take your place and then you will complain "she was a slut for cheating on me".
  • Be romantic. Most of the girls I talk to they haven't ever received flowers or went to a romantic dinner. Be different. Casanova would cry if he saw where flirting and seduction came to.

 On the other hand if you don't take my advice... More women for people like me. Enjoy!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Dumb Cosmopolitan advice (part 2)

After some research I could honestly make 10 parts about how dumb Cosmopolitan is but I will just concentrate on the most extreme. Before I continue some told me that once in a while the advice is good. Yes, sometimes it might is. But even a broken clock is right twice a day. So I can say 98% of the advice is bullshit. For example:

"Don't be fooled by a guy who offers up tons of minor bits of information about where he's been or what he's been doing. At first, it may seem that because he can describe so much, he must be truthful. But he could actually be trying to cover his ass. 'If he's telling a story and you notice he's peppering it with insignificant details, that's a warning sign,' says Driver. 'This is especially true if you detect a lot of pauses, because it means he's trying to come up with more facts.' "

Sooo... When we don't share much it bugs you... and when we do we are liars... Great advice. But there is more my little Pokemon friends...
"Yes, maybe he's just extrahorny or you're looking extrahot, but a sudden surge in his sexual appetite can also be a sign that some thing's awry. 'A man who's hiding something won't want to connect emotionally through conversation because he's afraid if he does, he'll spill the secret,' says Krista Bloom, PhD, a psychologist in Florida. 'Instead, because he loves you, he'll look to fill that void by connecting with you physically.' But since various things can cause a spike in a guy's sex drive -- like an awesome shift in your relationship sparked by, say, getting engaged -- don't accuse him of anything without ruling out other explanations." 

Not too much sex is wrong... Too much sex is wrong... I am confused... Also the fact that this lady has a PhD is strange... And then you say I am the one generalizing... I will give you an explanation about him wanting more sex all of a sudden... New underwear, his team won the championship, he got a new item in World of Warcraft or simply because... oh dear Lord... he loves you?? Ladies we are men... Not so much to analyze. We are simple creatures.
Can it? Judging from the women that write these articles their problem is having too little sex... And I continue with:

" 'The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,' says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he's being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he's more evasive."

My friend JZ might have something to say about this. I think there is this word... ah.. yes, PRIVACY???? Just because I date a girl it doesn't mean she has free access to all my life. Deal with it. Ever thought I might be a Superhero or an international spy? I am keeping you safe for keeping you away from that part of my life...

" 'If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added sex and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy,' Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships: 'If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.' "

Wow... being happy is a sin in a relationship it seems... Keep believing these and then wonder why no one approaches you in a 1km radius. So you got into a relationship with a miserable guy, you didn't change his mood, yet when he becomes happy because of whatever it's a bad sign? Great logic... Go Cosmogirls!
You thought I left the covers alone? You don't seem to know me enough... Upper left. "Guys answer your sexiest sex qs". Sexiest sex...? Seriously? Overcompensating much from the lack of sex? And who are these guys? What are their qualifications? Say one of them is into feet, (no hard feelings) is his advice any good to the rest of the guys that have no such fetish? I think not!

"Naughty thoughts he has at work". First of... Why do you think I have different thoughts in work from the ones I have in the house? When I am at the office I think of big boobs while when I go to my house I think of perfect round butts? Seriously who thinks of these???

"What your Va-Jay-Jay is dying to tell you". Wanna know? "Stop reading bullshit magazines and go out and get laid before the sand becomes rock in your VJJ! I wont even comment on the VJJ thing.

"Go Naked". Now with that I agree. Keep this as an advice. No need to even browse the rest of the magazine. See? this was the 2% of solid advice.

So Dumb People Annoy Me blog gives you the answer to your main question of why you buy Cosmo:
Thank me later. I 'll wait...

Monday, December 5, 2011

Dumb Cosmopolitan advice (Part 1)

Women must be familiar with Cosmopolitan. Men that get laid must also be familiar with it. No matter where you look in a woman's house, you are bound to fall on it. Sometimes literally, since you can find a whole bunch of them... Weird thing is that women don't read it in the bathroom, like most men read their magazines but anyway.

So what is Cosmopolitan? Personally if I can sum it up.  
"Put a model on the cover, the words: Sex, sexy, tips all over the place and mostly useless advice to a target audience (women) that no matter what advice you give them they will still do what feels right to them. You know why? Because they are driven by emotion, not by logic. And this is how sex and love works (at least that's what my sources say!). And the advice they do follow is probably from some lady that hasn't seen a cock in the last decade... and I don't mean the bird".

By the way, did you see what I did there? I put the text on italics. It makes it look more serious... As you will find in magazines like that. Sounds important right? It isn't. Now I am sure you will tell me that I generalize and that Cosmo is a great magazine blah blah blah. OK let's start with the covers:
 Let's start from the upper left... 78 ways to turn him on! Seriously? Do you even know how men work? There are no 78 ways to turn us on. Take this example for size. Some times I hear women tell me how men ignore them when there are sports in the TV. Have you ever sit next to the TV with your boobs out? Or if it's the Superbowl and you have to be drastic... Go next to the TV and wear some Agent Provocateur underwear and start touching yourself. Pff... 78 ways... Stop buying the magazine... ask me instead. Also 78? This is where your think tank stopped? 

Lets move on...
"What men want at 9 p.m." A sandwich? A blowjob? Some time alone? World of Warcraft? Go home since I work overtime? Now some lady will come with some fake statistics and she will solve the mystery of what men want... at 9 p.m.. And if this article is successful expect to see the sequel. What men want at 9:30 p.m. ! When men say "women like or do this" we are sexist. But when some lady does it, it's OK!

"4 Fab New Vibrators"
Need I say more?

"The Sex Position They Lust For" This will probably some 2 page article when the answer is so easy... It's Doggy style. Can we move on?

"What he thinks when you're butt naked". I can easily prove that this is a bullshit article. Why? Because when you are naked we stop thinking. All the blood from our brain is in our dicks... Brain is on safe mode. OK? OK. Also how did they found out about what men think? Did some lady jumped out of nowhere when his girlfriend started undressing and started interviewing him?
"Read his dirty mind" If you read this you will probably leave us... So read a book... (And not the Twilight... I 'll get to you soon, don't think you got away). 

"9 times you won't burn in hell for being bitchy" If a men's magazine wrote an article that read "5 times you can be an asshole to her" the author would probably be labeled a misogynist and sexist. It's never OK to be an asshole or a bitch. Deal with it. That's why we have this thing called logic, so we can sit down and actually discuss our problems. It's called communication. Funny a magazine that targets female audience doesn't mention this anywhere.

"Tight abs" I don't know about other men but I prefer my girlfriend to be normal. I don't want a bodybuilder next to me. And even fitness freaks that can't indulge in chocolate. Don't get me wrong I don't want her to be 100 kg but normal. Some fat always exists. (We prefer it on your boobs if you wonder).

"She tricked a murderer into sparing her life" First off this is exploitation of a very serious issue that happened in some one's life. Last time I checked Cosmo isn't a newspaper so leave it at that. And finally a murderer isn't gonna be tricked if he wants to kill you. But since I haven't read the article I will leave it at this.

Not such a bad idea unless you want these to happen:

-She is a sore loser so you won't get it if she loses.
-She 'll beat you on the game... Beat by a girl? That doesn't help men's dick get hard. If you don't believe me try to have sex with them when their favorite team loses. (Unless he wants to have sex so he can rough it up on you...)
-I prefer to keep my worlds apart. Guy stuff I do with my guy friends. Romantic stuff with her. Leave it at it.
-Seriously who reads diaries? Or even better who writes em?

(To be continued)

Friday, December 2, 2011

Death and Taxes

These are probably the only constants in some one's life. You will pay taxes no matter what and you will die at some point. But have you ever thought of what you pay for taxes? Our ancestors paid some of the stupidest taxes ever. If you think you pay for stuff you can't explain (for example income tax + VAT + Real estate...) then look at these taxes and feel lucky that our great politicians aren't so creative...

  • 1696: Window tax

I’m sure you have noticed older buildings that have their windows bricked up. Back in the 17th century, William III imposed a tax on houses that have more than six windows. He wanted this tax to help fund the wars in Ireland and on the continent.
These homeowners decided to instead brick up the windows. The tax was only repealed in 1851. 
I can only guess that this will never pass today... If they tax windows again all those fancy skyscrapers will get taxed... and you know who owns most of them right? Taxing the rich????
  • Dealing illegal drugs Tax

North America Internal Revenue Service actually asked people to include their illegal drug dealings in their tax form... More or less asking them to implicate themselves in dealing drugs... And after you go to jail probably pay the tax too... Again this law won't ever come back... Again rich people will have something to say about this... 
  • Disagreeing with the king tax

Oliver Cromwell actually passed a tax like this. Everyone disagreeing with me... sorry, I meant the king, would be taxed... I like the way he was thinking...
  • 14th century England - Existence tax
You probably guessed it. The fact that you are alive is owed to your beloved government. Pay for it. They did... At least before they revolted...

  • 1783: Hat tax
In 1783-4 Prime Minister Pitt the Younger introduced an excise duty on men’s hats. He did this to raise money easily for the government.

  • The Being-Foreign Tax

Taxes levied specifically against foreigners and immigrants are not all that unusual, even up through the 20th century. Canada started taxing Chinese immigrants in 1885 and didn't stop until 1923. Unfortunately, this pain-in-the-arse tax ended not because anyone had a change of heart, but because that's when the Chinese Immigration Act prohibited the Chinese from entering Canada at all. Genius...

  • The Nobel Prize Tax

Oh yes, this still exists my friends. If you get any kind of prize you are taxed for it. Although there is a loophole. Don't touch the prize and donate it to charity or the government... 

Finally since we all laughed with these taxes. Say you earn 1000 dollars per month and you pay all the taxes, which can be found in wikipedia for each country, you are probably end up with less than half your salary, just for taxes... You are still laughing at the previous taxes now?